News:

Yessir!

Free at last!: The biggest story in music this week is, without a doubt, the release of Lil Wayne from Riker's Island Penitentiary at approximately 8:25 Thursday morning. The illustrious occasion was marked by the release of eight white doves (one for every month he spent in lockup... duh!), a call from the Queen of England, and a total solar eclipse. Okay, maybe I am exaggerating a touch, but there were fans amassing in the prison parking lot all night, and several members of the Young Money crew spirited up to the island in a convoy of luxury SUVs in order to properly collect their cell’s nucleus. The release did not go off without some confusion; some hater-ass guard tried to dash hopes by saying that Weezy would in fact be released on Friday, but Mack Mane fixed the whole situation with some “thorough and intense negotiations” (kidding). Wayne's release was thoroughly documented by Twitter accounts throughout the hip-hop world, including a couple of tweets from Weezy himself. One that stood out as equally humorous and ominous was: "aaaaaaahhhhhhmmmmm baaaaakkkkkkkkkk." As you can imagine, someone in Weezy’s present circumstance has a host of responsibilities after his return to “gen pop,” including a trip to Arizona, where he needs to wrap up some pending legal issues, a possible appearance at Drake’s Saturday Las Vegas gig, and what is sure to be one fucking obscene rager at the King Of Diamond Strip Club in Miami. We here at Culture Blues would like to welcome Weezy back, and wish him all the best in his upcoming ventures. Now put out Tha Carter 4, and don’t go out like T.I.

The very definition of bros.

SQUASHED (Except, not really): Apparently, five years is how long it takes for ex-Presidents and current megalomaniacal MCs to bury the hatchet... Or maybe it has something to do with book sales. Whatever the reason (wink-wink), George W. Bush sure has been on the scene a lot these days promoting his upcoming memoir, and in doing so, he is drudging up some of the more “memorable” moments of his Presidency. One such moment,  totally worth revisiting, is the whole “George Bush hates black people” fiasco that touched off when the previously alluded to Mr. West (is there another current megalomaniacal MC?) basically put the President on blast during a relief telethon for Hurricane Katrina. In a leaked excerpt from an upcoming interview with Today’s Matt Lauer, the former President shares these sentiments: “He called me a racist, and I didn’t appreciate it then. I don’t appreciate it now. It’s one thing to say, ‘I don’t appreciate the way he’s handled his business.’ It’s another thing to say, ‘This man’s a racist.’ I resent it, it’s not true.” As you can imagine, someone as plugged in as Kanye (who, perhaps ironically, has also been called a racist) has gotten wind of this and responded with humility and empathy: “I definitely can understand the way he feels. To be accused of being a racist in any way because the same thing happened to me," said West, adding, "I really more connect with him on a humanitarian level because that next morning when he felt that, I felt that too." I bet these two are busy sending each other Thanksgiving invitations as we speak.

It is just SO exhausting being her.

State of the Taylor Swift: ...And so it was prophesied that a 20 year old from Pennsylvania with hair like pure-spun gold and a voice like a digitally aided angel would part the clouds of our nation's euphonious industry, and let the sun shine upon the meek, if only for a brief moment... And she totally fucking did. I have no idea what Taylor Swift has actually been doing since I last wrote of her exploits, but I bet it's hard for her not to just stare into the mirror at her own Unicorn-like wonder. Miss Swift has done the unthinkable and pushed over a million units of her recently released musical diary, Speak Now, giving her not just the number one spot on the Billboard Top 200, but also the highest selling debut week in FIVE YEARS (think about how much less broadband there was five years ago). Speak Now also had the second highest selling debut week of any country artist on the charts since Soundscan started doing the tabulating, and the second highest sales of any woman in any genre not named Britney Spears.

This is all great news for Swift and the industry, but I think that the trade mags and pundits are failing to realize just why this happened. As much as insiders would like to believe that it was marketing, and hype-building, that got the numbers up so high, they are wrong. The real answer is that the Swifties are a perfect storm demographic that does not participate in pirating. I have already pointed out in numerous editions of Clef Notes that country fans are less inclined to steal music than fans of other genres, but when you add that to the number of tweens that also don’t steal records (or rather have their parents buy their records for them), you get this rare alignment of record selling magic. So basically, expect more Swift clones in the coming years than you can handle, and to never be able to get away from the original for at least the next six months.

Reviews:

Kid Cudi - Man On The Moon II: The Legend Of Mr. Rager

Kid Cudi’s debut record, Man On The Moon: The End Of Day, was a magnificent record that challenged the essence of contemporary hip-hop. Man On The Moon showed the world the astoundingly artistic mind of Cudi (Scott Mescudi), who delivered a sonically progressive and lyrically incandescent album that spoke of vulnerabilities and confusions that most MCs wouldn’t even realize they had. Obviously, having such a remarkable opening salvo encumbers your career with laborious expectation, and the scene has been waiting for Cudders to drop Man On The Moon II: The Legend Of Mr. Rager with the kind of anticipation only reserved for the game’s mic wielding elite. Does the album live up to the hype? I don’t know if anything could have... After two listens I can say, quite reasonably, that there is no way this album will be praised as eminently as Cudi’s debut, and might be considered a bit of a let down to some, but still has enough solid moments on it to not be considered a misstep. I suspect the change in the man is the reason for the change in the overall vibe of the art; Cudi has gone through some major shit recently (a felonious Chelsea rampage, revelations of coke use). These demons cast a darker tint on the proceedings, both in color and in key.

Some of the record’s best moments include the Kanye inspired REVOFEV (not to be confused with Erase Me, the hideous song that Kanye guest stars on), Ashin’ Kusher (the track with the most traditional boom-bap), Maniac ft. Cage and St. Vincent (one of my favorites), and These Worries (the only one of the Mary J. contributions to the record that really matters). Then there are the two tracks that are among the album's oddest and most polarizing: All Along is a post-industrial piano ballad, with the gloss of a string-tinged confessional that I find myself really endeared to, and GHOST! which is either corny as hell or too brilliant to be truly understood. Ultimately, I suppose I have to applaud Cudders for keeping his artistic vision and courage intact (more or less), and I would recommend that people give this record a spin... but they should probably lower their expectations.

Weezer - Pinkerton

The fact that Weezer has reissued a deluxe (and expanded!) edition of Pinkerton has given many of my peers the license to praise the record with an effusion of downright shameful proportions. I am sure you would expect me to be the lone voice of discord in the media’s choir of acclaim, but that would be disingenuous. The truth is I was the perfect age for Pinkerton when it dropped, and it has managed to become one of those special records that now holds a place of pivotal importance in my life’s memories. I am aware that I am not alone in this sentiment, and so is Rivers Cuomo, which is why we have ourselves a 26 track reissue to sink our teeth into 14 years after the album's release. There is no change in fidelity to the studio album itself, so there is no real need to get into it - you know the tracks (they are still awesome), and as far as the bonus tracks are concerned, it's a mixed bag. A lot of the bonus material is demo versions of some of Pinkerton, and they are the sort of "only for super fans and collectors" cuts that you would expect. The rest are b-sides which weren’t good enough to be on the record back in the nineties, and aren’t all that good today, plus some live renditions of songs off the album, performed at the time they were huge, that are actually pretty great (especially the acoustic performances of The Good Life and El Scorcho at Y100). Seeing as how this deluxe edition was not remastered (not that it needs to be), I can’t say that it is a must have, but if you are a fan of the record that unfortunately made emo commercial you should definitely check this out.

Brian Eno - Small Craft On A Sea Of Milk

It is nearly impossible for me to explain Brian Eno’s genius with mere words. Eno is a near mythical figure, whose ability to “hear” is rivaled only by the most esteemed of classical composers. Whether it be his contributions to Roxy Music (where he pioneered using the mixing board as a live instrument), the glam/art-rock splendor of his mid-seventies solo records, his shift to ambient on Another Green World, his redefining of the genre on Ambient 1: Music for Airports, or his numerous production credits for acts such as David Bowie, Devo, Talking Heads, and U2 (I refuse to acknowledge Coldplay), there is little doubt that Brian Eno is as essential to the post 60s music world as his shadow is imposing. Eno’s latest release, Small Craft On A Milk Sea, is a 15 track journey through electronica (of course he does that, too) which is at times ethereal, and at times foreboding. Some of our more observant readers will remember that I already chose a song off this record as a Track Of The Week, and in my blurb I expressed my excitement for the album's release.  Small Craft On A Milk Sea delivers all that you would expect from an Eno electronica release, it just doesn’t have enough awesome on it for me to call it an awesome record. The aforementioned 2 Forms Of Anger still sounds as good now as it did a few weeks ago, and other standouts include Horse, Dust Shuffle, and the twins Emerald And Lime and Emerald And Stone, but at the end of the day this record never truly managed to sink its hooks into me.

16th Notes:

I think I may need new pants.

Gucci Mane has found himself in legal hot water once again as he was arrested (then later released) Tuesday for some horrendously bad driving, and enough poor judgment to get himself pepper-sprayed by police. I bet he was just desperately trying to vote...An upcoming Arcade Fire gig in Lisbon had to be cancelled, because the concurrently scheduled NATO summit viewed the show as a security risk. This makes sense, we all know how hardcore those Arcade Fire fans can be... Linkin Park's Chester Bennington is reportedly murdered in the new Saw: 3D. Sometimes I think Hollywood steals my dreams in my sleep...

Top Ten List:

I would like to use this Top Ten list to shed some more light on the incomparable greatness of Brian Eno. Do yourself a favor and learn something. Behold the greatest songs that Eno has ever touched with his magic.

10) By This River - Before and After Science(musician/songwriter/producer)
9) Third Uncle - Taking Tiger Mountain (musician/songwriter/producer)
8) The Big Ship - Another Green World (musician/songwriter/producer)
7) St. Elmo’s Fire - Another Green World (musician/songwriter/producer)
6) (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction  - Q. Are We Not Men? (producer)
5) Where The Streets Have No Name - The Joshua Tree (producer)
4) The Heavenly Music Corporation - No Pussyfooting (songwriter/producer)
3) Needle In The Camel’s Eye - Here Come The Warm Jets (musician/songwriter/producer)
2) 1/1 - Music For Airports (musician/songwriter/producer)
1) Heroes - Heroes (musician/songwriter)

Track Of The Week:

Joy - Kanye West, Pete Rock, Jay-Z, Curtis Mayfield, Charlie Wilson, Kid Cudi: This week's cut is an awesome throwback, brought to you by soul-sampling maestro himself Pete Rock, who was lucky enough to get some rappers named Kanye and Jay to drop some rhymes on top of some sweet ass Curtis Mayfield. Enjoy.

These guys should make G.I. Joe cartoons.

Ill Bill “Millenniums of Murder” – In the epic conclusion to the blood soaked, Saturday morning cartoon tinged saga, Joe takes the fight to the Illuminati’s front pyramid door to avenge the deaths of his partners. The four part series, with new installments released in rapid succession, is one of the most cohesive and watchable of its kind.

GWAR “Zombies, March” – This may be my only chance to review a GWAR video, so what the hell. It’s a humorous and entertaining 5 and a half minutes of people battling zombies and GWAR performing.

Deftones “You’ve Seen the Butcher” – I don’t know what the Deftones performing in a library has to do with scantily clad models, or why everyone ends up covered in blood, but it all seems right for some reason.

Weezer “Memories” – Weezer has taken enough crap in recent years from faceless shit-talkers on the internet; I’m determined to say something nice about this video. This is one of the laziest song and video tandems I can recall. Wistful reminiscing morphs into unfortunate bitching about the settled down life of washed up rock star. Woe is Rivers. And the chorus sounds like it was written by an 8 year old. Does any of that qualify as “nice”?

You think Dirty Harry never thought about it?

A Bad Think “Overstay” – I’m a little afraid to go see Hereafter. Watching Clint Eastwood work out his death and afterlife issues onscreen at the age of 80 might be a little too real for me. Similarly, watching an old dude who used to play with A Flock of Seagulls sing about overstaying his welcome kind of hits a raw nerve. My out-of-control death issues aside, the song and video are simple and evocative, beautiful and bittersweet.

Tim Kasher “Cold Love” – Tim Kasher, you sick bastard. Don’t be taken in by the soft sound or the early “marriage sucks” scenes lifted from a mimed sitcom. This quickly turns into a petty, gross out War of the Roses. The video is a little more convoluted than it probably needs to be, but then again the Vizzini Battle of Wits strategy always requires some misdirection.

La Sera “Never Come Around” – Halloween is over, but it’s always the right time of year to watch a girl tap her toes and eviscerate boys.

Nicki Minaj “Right Through Me” – Everything was going pretty well for Ms. Minaj when it was all guest spots and goofy accents, but this cheesy and melodramatic relationship track is something she just can’t pull off. She’s a much better actor than the dude they cast as her man though.

How not to do it.

Jason Derulo “What If” – This girl has the worst strategy for bracing for impact from a speeding car possible. I mean, seriously.

Hugo “Make Out With Me” – This guy is either a disturbing example of how the short-lived popularity of Flight of the Conchords has affected the music “industry,” or a new clown prince of pop music in the mold of Ben Folds. I haven’t decided yet. Regardless, silly pop music like this is much more honest than pop love ballads.

Kid Cudi ft. Kanye West “Erase Me” – While Kanye West is currently painting his marketing masterpiece, Kid Cudi is also keeping his name in the news as he preps his sophomore release. This song bears an unfortunate resemblance to late era Weezer though. The Christopher Mintz-Plasse appearance is appreciated but arbitrary, and the pyrotechnics and crowd noise amplify a chorus that is already a bit much. Kanye’s verse does little in the way of redemption, and he looks totally out of place in the 60s motif.

He's going to draw her ear back on.

Sky Ferreira “Obsession” – Why does the video for this lousy pop song portray Sky Ferreira as being obsessed with Michael Madsen? And is that really Madsen? He looks a little too young and healthy, but it’s hard to believe someone else looks that much like him. Doesn’t he have anything better to do? Couldn’t he be working on that Vega brothers movie?

Street Sweeper Social Club “Paper Planes” – Yes, it’s exactly what you think. Boots Riley, Tom Morello and their backing band performing a cover of the MIA megahit. Morello's star continues to fade and this song and video seem like a desperate plea for someone, ANYONE, to buy a Street Sweeper Social Club album. Robbing Paper Planes of its gunshots and putting the onus on lyrics that no one has ever cared about is a terrible musical folly.  The similarly uninspired, lifeless video is a huge waste of time.

Massive Attack “Atlas Air” – I’m big on story and drama in videos, but sometimes CGI of a badass rabbit creature bounding through a warzone gets the job done too.

The ego is the same, but the aesthetics have gotten better.

Kanye West “Runaway” – So far, Kanye’s upcoming album has produced one 90 second video project and one 35 minute video project. For the purposes of this column, I only watched the 8 and a half minute “extended video” version of Runaway. Unfortunately, all his filmed efforts so far pale in comparison to the grand spectacle of his live performances from SNL and the MTV Video Music Awards, which were elaborate but featured a beautiful underlying simplicity. This clip is fine, but we’ve already seen better visuals for it, and it’s just not the same if Pusha T doesn’t come skipping across the stage for his verse.

New Politics “Dignity” – Back in April, I recommended a video from these guys, complimenting their energy and (highly derivative) sound. Nothing has changed. This song offers the Pixies the sincerest form of flattery and I've got no problem with that. Their message is simple and a bit precious, but that doesn’t mean they’re not right. Unfortunately, this video trades in the raw energy of their previous effort for some overt symbolism, which is actually pretty fitting.

R.A. The Rugged Man “Uncommon Valor (A Vietnam Story)” – This legendary verse from the 2006 Jedi Mind Tricks track is fully capable of standing on its own. The unflinching and seemingly unbiased treatment of one man’s Vietnam experience is all the more remarkable because he’s actually talking about his dad. The video does little more than visualize the lyrical content, but anything else would probably prove an unnecessary distraction from the story.

Someone's about to get their eyes thumbed out!

VIDEO OF THE MONTH: My Chemical Romance “Na Na Na” – The visual style of George Miller's Mad Max films has been aped in other movies, lots of music videos and even professional wrestling. For the lead single off their next album, My Chemical Romance once again revisit this fertile yet well-trodden ground. While the overall aesthetic is familiar, this video is also packed with references to comic books, sci-fi movies and video games. It's a joyous celebration of the band's many nerdy obsessions. MTV put together this handy pop culture cheat sheet highlighting many of the allusions (although they failed to identify the reference to the villainous gang in the classic side-scrolling beat-'em-up Final Fight - come on, guys). The video pairs the adrenaline pumping song with quick editing, numerous action sequences and glorious explosions. It feels like the trailer for a summer blockbuster, and like any good movie trailer (or music video for a lead single), it left me wanting more.

He believes in himself.

ONGOING VIDEO EPIC OF THE MONTH: Ne-Yo's Libra Scale Arc – Ne-Yo's three videos from his upcoming album may not have much in common beyond his outfits, but he insists they are all part of a 6-video series based on a story of his own creation. So far, there have been lots of dancing, a smattering of superpowers and a longed-for woman who might also be a super-villain. Champagne Life offers Ne-Yo as a hard-partying crime fighter. He is captivated by a beautiful woman who is unimpressed with his singing, dancing, and all around ballin’ lifestyle. Beautiful Monster portrays him as a super-powered action hero battling a fascist regime led by the girl of his dreams. And this month's installment, One in a Million, casts him as a leading man in a backlot musical, finally ready to settle down with the fascist regime leader. Or something. Also, he still has magic powers. Really, I have no idea what's going on, but as long as people keeping flying and creating force fields out of thin air, I'm happy to stick with it.

There's rarely enough angsty singing at funerals.

VIDEO FLASHBACK: My Chemical Romance “Helena” – My Chemical Romance instantly gained a measure of respect from me with this video. I was never really into the whole “emo” thing. I think I was a touch too old. But in 2005 it seemed as if every band that was popular with “the kids” fit into this category. This is one of the few videos I can think of that wears its emo status on its sleeve and still manages to be extremely cool. The rain soaked procession/dance number is a magical music video climax. Fun fact, it was directed by Marc Webb, who has since moved onto major motion pictures like (500) Days of Summer and the upcoming Spider-Man movie.

News:

I was going to go with the old "A face only a mother could love" joke... Then I remembered what happened to his mom.

What's An Antonym For Humble?: Seeing as how this is the tenth anniversary of Clef Notes (I’m promised a Unicorn for my 25th column), I feel it is only fitting to lead off the news section with the artist to whom I have committed more words than any other star in music, Mr. Kanye West (I am also surprised it’s not Radiohead). Kanye has been in the news a lot this week (as he likes it); on Monday most of you were all a-twitter over his SNL performances (OMG can you believe he had ballerinas!), and on Tuesday he FINALLY let the world know the title of his new record (My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy), premiered his short film in various European theaters (he likens it to The Wall meets Purple Rain), and even found it in his heart to give us a record release date (November 22nd). Phew... I am glad that the suspense is finally over! Now that we can get back to our lives, remembering simple things like how to breathe, and all other things BKE (Before Kanye Era), I do have to consider one thing: we have been exposed to his hype machine for the last couple of forevers, so how insane do you think things are going to get in the weeks before his album drops? Thanksgiving better watch out!

Fuck your Snuggie wearing hero.

All You Need Is $10,000,000 And A Dream: I have never met James Burns of Seattle Washington, but I can tell you quite honestly that he is a man after my own heart. Sure, that statement may seem like some frivolous hyperbole, but in a world where any human being with a dream and some fervor can spawn an Internet campaign that “changes the world” (I’m looking at you, Betty White), Burns has upped the ante and struck a chord with me and (hopefully) millions of similar mortals baned by the same scourge. This intrepid souls' plea to the world’s digital community is simple. Let’s raise $10,000,000 in order to make Weezer retire. As of this publishing, the cause has managed to raise about $300 dollars, but as the campaign only began on Tuesday I am hoping that this could be the new calling for our generation, like having our very own rain forest to save. This inspiring news has even made it to Weezer drummer Patrick Wilson, who cruelly joked on his twitter “If they make it 20, we’ll do the deluxe breakup”. In a recent interview with The New York Times, Burns shared that he is already feeling the wrath of crazed Weezer fans who have threatened his life and wished AIDS upon him. AIDS! That is fucking ridiculous, and completely uncalled for. Lighten up, moronic Weezer fans. P.S. I hope you all die.

Even Billie Joe doesn't know how old he is anymore.

Boffo!: Billie Joe Armstrong’s run in Green Day’s American Idiot Broadway musical ended last weekend and, by all accounts, it was a huge success for the suffering show. According to reports, the show took in $1,092,334 during his week-long run (a jump of more than 60% from the previous week's total), and increased theater occupancy by 52%. Appearing in the lead role of St. Jimmy, Armstrong’s run was a last minute attempt  (Billie Joe did not announce his appearance until two days before his first curtain) by producers to inject some life into the show and, more importantly, get some asses in seats. The frontman-turned-Broadway star ended his run with some candid tweets (what else is new?) wherein he expressed his sadness over leaving the role, and then implored us all to go shell out our money and see his musical (instead of Wicked or The Lion King) by laying down this gem: "Broadway was such a great experience. Best Cast ever! Hopefully I'll do StJ again. If you haven't seen it, fucking see it! Its great! Xo bJ. Word!?"

State Of The Industry: Kenny Chesney’s newest release, Hemingway’s Whiskey (What, was "Hemingway’s Shotgun" taken?), is the number one album on the Billboard Top 200 this week. After last week's rant about country music fans and their record buying behavior, I don’t find it necessary to continue to expound on how infuriating they are. Instead, this week, I would like to discuss how Lil Wayne’s I Am Not A Human Being (which is reviewed below) managed to score the number two spot on the charts while not having an actual street release. Weezy’s 8th studio album sold a rather impressive 110,000 digital units (made more impressive considering  that a few more key-strokes could have easily gotten you the record for free), making it only the second album to chart in the top two spots via solely digital sales (the other being the Hope For Haiti benefit album). So far this year album sales are down 13% compared to last year, with October’s sales down 29%. For those artists who are thinking that digital sales may be the tonic for what's ailing the industry, you should be aware that digital sales seem to have peaked and are down about 1% from last year. So think again.

Reviews:

Lil Wayne - I Am Not A Human Being

Hmm... How do I start this one? Well, I guess we should begin with the indisputable fact that Lil Wayne’s latest release, I Am Not A Human Being, is unbelievably better than the aural disaster that was his last effort, Rebirth. That being said, this is still not the record that his acolytes have been waiting for. I Am Not A Human Being is an incomplete and flawed record that, quite honestly, is just a way to keep Wayne from fading (like the litany of green-screen videos he has been in lately). There are scattered moments throughout the album which remind you of the vitality that Weezy had on Tha Carter II & III, but mostly this record has a detached and inadvertently Cimmerian quality to it (maybe I am reading too much into it). From the start, this album tries to wash the sound of Rebirth out of your ears with the enjoyable Gonorrhea (featuring your girl's new man, Drake), a track which exhibits Wayne’s trademark wit. However, the party immediately goes stale when Hold Up’s uninspired hook tries its best to annoy you. After a misguided slow-jam, we are forced to indulge Weezy in not only his sophomoric Rick Rubin obsession (which nets the same result it did on Rebirth), but also some of his “singing” (please stop) on I’m Single (an old track from one of his mixtapes), AND an embarrassing patch-job on Whats Wrong With Them (each of his verses sound like he is in a different room). The album's closing tracks are a mixed bag and, for the most part, are betrayed by their production, with the exception of  Bill Gates (the last track), a cut which tries its best to save the day, though we all know it is far too late.

Sufjan Stevens - The Age Of Adz

I am well aware that there were an enormous number of sweater-wearing, tea-drinking indie kids losing their minds while anticipating this record and, although I was not exactly one of them, I too was very excited to hear what sort of brilliantly clustered arrangements Mr. Stevens would be providing us. After giving it three spins, I can honestly say that I pretty much loved it, and I hope you do too. As I hinted in last weeks edition of Clef Notes, The Age Of Adz is essentially a departure from the delicate folk brilliance of his last several releases, while not being a completely radical sonic palette for Sufjan (2001's Enjoy Your Rabbit had some unconventional textures). The end results are a sound that some may consider jarring, but which is still unequivocally beautiful. The Age Of Adz begins in a completely misleading way, with Futile Devices lulling the listener into a false sense of security with delightful finger-picked macédoine. As the last of the strings fade, the record shows its true colors; the clamorous intro of Too Much wipes the slate clean and we are exposed to the wonderful juxtaposition of Stevens' angelic voice against the cacophonous din of modern production in a post-Merriweather world. Does this experiment work all the time? Of course not. Tracks like All For Myself and Bad Communication fall short of the mark and come off as somewhat over-indulgent, but when it does work the results are some glorious moments in audio. The best examples of brilliance on The Age Of Adz are I Walked, Now That I’m Older (forgive the Tetris video, I did the best I could), and Vesuvius. These three tracks are all sprawling tunes with so much going on in their arrangements that each listen will have you discovering a new treasure, and marveling at this man's artistic scope. While I am worried that some of you, and my peers, won’t like this record 'cause it is not what you wanted or expected, ultimately I guess I don’t really care what you guys think.

Mark Ronson & The Business International - Record Collection

When a DJ/Producer sits down to make a record with multiple collaborators, the possibility that it will end up suffering from a lack of cohesion practically becomes a certainty. On Record Collection, Mark Ronson manages to circumvent this disaster by having his production style be the thread that ties the whole affair together, while doing his best to showcase the talents of his impressive list of contributors (Q-Tip, Ghostface, Simon Le Bon, D’Angelo, Boy George). Record Collection is a lean, 14 song trip through pop joy that never really lives up to what one would expect from a “super-producer.” Its two best tracks are the singles that we have already heard (Bang Bang Bang and The Bike Song) and, while none of it is truly terrible, it fails to capture attention or imagination (I guess one does really miss the horns when they are gone). This record will no doubt be huge in England, and a smash within the alternative lifestyle set, but the rest of us can live with enjoying it on our own terms, while waiting for the next Amy Winehouse or Lilly Allen record.

16th Notes:

Back in May, Lil Wayne was caught with headphones and a charger (another inmate was holding an MP3 player) by officials at Rikers Island Penitentiary, who disciplined the rapper by sentencing him to 30 days in solitary confinement. Imagine what they would have done to Weezy if they had found some legitimate contraband... The cast of Glee has recently broken The Beatles’ record for appearances in the Billboard Top 100 by a solo act. Of course, The Beatles actually wrote their songs (for the most part), while the actors on Glee are just really good at karaoke... Britney Spears has put together quite a song-writing cabal for her upcoming record, and is said to be hard at work. Normally I would write some kind of joke about how you guys don’t care here, but no matter what you say, her Q-rating begs to differ... Steve Albini got all "Steve Albini" in the latest issue of GQ, throwing a hot pile of hate onto Sonic Youth and taking umbrage with the fact that the mainstream media credited Sonic Youth with shining a light on the indie/alternative movement. To me, this seems like a completely irrelevant point, and typical for Albini, who will never get over ANYTHING, including his inferiority to Butch Vig as a producer...

Top Ten List:

Seeing as how I am having a hard time thinking about anything that isn’t baseball it seems pretty fitting to give you all the top ten songs about baseball (sorta).

10) The Theme From The Natural - Randy Newman
9) Joe Dimaggio Did It Again - Billy Bragg and Wilco
8) Look It’s Baseball - Guided By Voices
7) Piazza New York Catcher - Belle & Sebastian
6) Cubs In 5 - Mountain Goats
5) Catfish - Bob Dylan
4) Rightfield - Peter, Paul, and Mary
3) Talkin Baseball - Terry Cashman
2) Glory Days - Bruce Springsteen
1) Centerfield - John Fogerty

Track Of The Week:

2 Forms of Anger - Brian Eno: This week’s track is brought to you by the extreme genius of  Brian Eno (you know, the guy who the MGMT song is about). Here is a taste of his upcoming album (Small Craft On A Milk Sea), the first Eno work to be released on the cutting edge record label Warp.

News

Morrissey: Seen here in his younger, less racist days.

The latest installment of “Shit Morrissey Says”: Over the years legendary crooner and former Smith’s frontman Morrissey has become well acquainted with controversy. He has had feuds with mega-stars (Madonna, Elton John, Robert Smith), levied criticisms on political figures (Churchill, Blair, George W. Bush, The Royal Family), confused millions with the whole “fourth gender” thing, and has occasionally come off as more than a little racist. Since the 1980s, the Lancashire-born singer/songwriter has been accused of racism for comments such as “I don’t hate Pakistanis, but I dislike them immensely,”and lyrics like “England for the English” (these examples are just the tip of the iceberg). The question "Is Morissey a racist?" has risen again, as this week a recent interview with the Guardian UK began to make the rounds, and everyone got the chance to read Morrissey call the Chinese a “subspecies.” To be fair to the singer, the context of the quote is very important; Morrisey has been a well known animal rights activist for decades now, and China does have a nightmarish history of animal cruelty: “Did you see the thing on the news about their treatment of animals and animal welfare? Absolutely horrific. You can't help but feel that the Chinese are a subspecies." The singer has since released a statement hoping to clarify his quote, but has not apologized, and does not seem particularly contrite.

Get me some nachos bitch.

He knows he liked it: Britney Spears has been out of the news for quite some time now, hasn’t she? In the modern Bieber/Gaga/Kanye landscape, the former teen dream-queen is quickly fading from our collective cultural RSS feed. What on Earth could she possibly be up to these days? Well, apparently, getting sued by her ex-bodyguard. TMZ reports that Fernando Flores filed papers in an L.A. county court on Wednesday, wherein he accuses his former employer of numerous acts of malfeasance ranging from “repeated unwanted sexual advances” to child-endangerment. According to Flores, Ms. Spears engaged in multiple types of inappropriate methods of seduction/sexual misconduct, ranging from flashing him her genitals, to summoning him into a room where she was standing completely nude (and after a moment of awkward silence ordering him to fetch her two bottles of 7 Up). Flores even claims that he witnessed Britney feed her children crab meat, even though she knew her kids were allergic, and when the children became ill she refused to let anyone seek medical help, allegedly telling them “mind your own fucking business.” Odds are that these claims are frivolous, a ploy to earn some fast cash, and that this guy is a giant pussy.

Where are the assassins of the world when you need them?

I guess this is happening: As I’m Still Here is set to open in select theatres next week, the first batch of reviews and the latest salvo of hoax-related articles are surfacing all across the internet. To be honest with you, I forgot Joaquin Phoenix was even still doing this. According to Yahoo Entertainment News, the crowds that attended recent screenings of the “documentary” at the Venice International Film Festival left captivated, which I can only assume is a good thing. For those of you who are somehow unaware of what I am snidely referring to, in 2008 Oscar nominated actor Joaquin Phoenix supposedly abandoned acting in an attempt to “reinvent himself as a rapper”. This career move has been the subject of intense doubt and ridicule from the media, with good reason. Not only has Phoenix puzzled many with his increasingly shabby/eccentric behavior, but his rapping skills are equal parts atrocious and comical. From the beginning of this saga we were aware that Ben Affleck’s little brother was chronicling Phoenix’s descent and, two years later, the movie is upon us. I bet it is captivating. From what I’ve read, we viewers will be treated to shots of Phoenix using the bathroom, snorting coke off of hookers' tits, smoking tons of pot, getting into fights, and having his dreams crushed by Diddy. You know... All the drama you would expect from a work of fiction.

State of the Industry: Hurray!!! I can’t tell you how pleased I was to see that Katy Perry was dethroned from the number one spot on the Billboard Top 200 countdown this week! Like I wrote in last week's edition of Clef Notes, I was extremely worried that Ms. Perry was going to hold onto that spot for at least the next couple of weeks. Instead she was ousted by Asylum, the latest studio release from Distrubed. Disturbed? Really?? Whatevs, it totally works for me. According to Nielsen Soundscan, the Chicago quartet’s fourth studio album pushed 179,000 units last week. Ms. Perry’s record fell all the way to #4 on the charts (behind Recovery at three, and the Now 35 compilation at two). Asylum marks the fourth Disturbed record to debut at #1 on the charts, making them only the third rock band in history to accomplish such a feat (the other two bands are Metallica and Dave Matthews Band). While I would normally frown on anyone wanting to be Down with the Sickness, this week all you Disturbed fans get a pass.

Reviews

Weezer - Hurley

Loyal readers of Culture Blues are already aware of how I feel about Weezer and can probably guess where this is going. I have reviewed 51 albums for this illustrious site since its infancy and, without question, the album that I hated the most was Weezer’s Raditude (I don’t consider My World 2.0 to be actual music). So, naturally, when I let Hurley spin for the first time I expected the worst and, thankfully, I got merciful mediocrity instead. Hurley begins with some orchestral flair as a strings tuning intro sets up Memories, a decent (yet pedestrian) opener that tries to wipe the remnants of the last record from your mind. The second track, Ruling Me, has less merit than the opener but is aided by its Pinkerton inspired pre-chorus, and decent harmonies. Then shit starts to fall apart. Trainwrecks is so painfully insipid and juvenile that it could easily appear on a Jonas Brothers record, Unspoken tries hard to be more than it is and completely misses the mark, and Where’s My Sex is further proof that Cuomo has to include one completely fucking moronic song on all of his new records. Ultimately, I will admit that this record isn’t terrible- it’s just your standard post-millennium Weezer. If that happens to be your thing, enjoy it. The rest of us will keep checking the internet to see if that fabled Blue Album/Pinkerton tour comes to our town. (On a side note, I would like to let you know that the Deluxe Edition of Hurley includes a cover of Coldplay’s Viva La Vida, just to stick it to me).

Brandon Flowers - Flamingo

When writing about your colleague’s boyfriend’s solo album, you have to make sure to be delicate. I don’t want to piss Jeff off; to have to pass him in the halls at the office, to endure stare downs, or to have him come by my desk and knock over my priceless and elaborate creativity paraphernalia. Luckily for us both, this record isn’t completely awful. Before I go any further let me make one thing clear; this is essentially a Killers record, just without the rock... I mean, with a different backing band. Flowers wrote these songs with the idea that they would be The Killers' next studio album, but they decided they wanted to go on hiatus, and Flowers decided to releases the material himself. Most of the things that you would expect from a Killers record are here, except for the (slightly underrated) guitar work of Dave Keuning and bass lines of Mark Stoermer. There are some big catchy choruses, forlorn verses delivered with Flowers' trademark detachment, and songs about Vegas. Flamingo opens up exactly as you would expect it to - a synthesizer sets the stage for a piano ballad that is a postcard-like ode to Flowers’ hometown. Welcome To Fabulous Las Vegas is a solid yet predictable table setter, but it and the rest of the first quarter are basically the whole show. Everything after Jilted Lovers And Broken Hearts sounds pretty repetitive and bland, with the exception of Was It Something I Said, the album’s most upbeat tune. If you are a Brandon Flowers superfan then you should give this a shot; if not, wait for the Killers to get back in the studio.

Robyn - Body Talk PT.2

Chances are your girlfriend is super into Robyn. The Swedish born dance-pop star is probably the second biggest name on the world’s dance-floors at the moment, and has been dropping some killer thumpers and ass-shakers for the last half-decade or so. Robyn is so popular these days that I have decided to review her recent EP, Body Talk Pt.2 (the second installment in what is said to be the Body Talk trilogy), even though I have only ever reviewed LPs to this point in my critic-hood. I am very glad I decided to take the plunge. Body Talk Pt.2 isn’t for everyone; if your idea of a good time involves skinny jeans, dive bars, and bands no one will ever hear of, then avoid this record at all costs. However, if you love to dance, own clubbing garb, and have a good ecstasy connection, then this will be your soundtrack until the next Body Talk comes out. This record is full of icy arpeggios, throbbing house bass, and booming 808s that all combine to make a sparkly, neon groove that will keep you on your feet all night. For what it is, this record is pretty much flawless, from the Madonna-inspired In My Eyes, to the 80s throwback Hang With Me, the Britney influenced Criminal Intent, and the fantastic grime-ish Unstoppable (couldn't find a link on the web), this is one highly enjoyable album from start to finish.

16th Notes

The XX won this year's prestigious Mercury Prize, a British award given out to the band they consider to be the next bit thing. Check them out now before it becomes uncool to like them... Mark David Chapman was denied parole again this year. This is good news for us all, especially for Mark David Chapman... Rihanna recently announced that she is dropping a record this year. I would write a joke here, but I kind of liked the last one... The Rolling Stones are rumored to be planning a 50th anniversary tour. They just have to reanimate Keith first... Snoop Dogg is planning on releasing a sequel to the classic album Doggystyle sometime next year. As we speak Suge Knight is working out a way to extort him... Will Smith's daughter (Willow) has a single out there and has recently landed a record deal. I just wanted to share that with you so you too can hate life a bit more... Lastly, here is a link to a site where you can download a superb Radiohead concert all for FREE! It was shot by fans in Prague and then edited by the band who also supplied the masters direct from the board. You're totally welcome.

Top Ten List

As the chill starts to make its way across the Northern Hemisphere, I begin to whine and shiver. I suppose now would be a good time to run down a list of the ten best tracks that dropped over what was one sweet-ass summer.

10) All I Want - LCD Soundsystem

9) Bullet Proof - La Rouche

8) XXXO - M.I.A

7) Boyfriend - Best Coast

6) King Of The Beach - Wavves

5) Ready To Start - Arcade Fire

4) Cold War - Janelle Monae

3) Fuck You - Cee-Lo

2) Shutterbug - Big Boi

1) Dance Yrself Clean -LCD Soundsystem

Track Of The Week

Lookin 4 Ya (Jedi Remix) Outkast: I know you are already a fan of Chico Dusty. Now imagine, if you will, what kind of contributions Andre 3000 could’ve brought to the record had music industry mumbo jumbo not kept him from being able to spit on it. Well, imagine no more and take a listen to this awesome track!

NEWS

Take that suicide rumors!!!

Wait... He has a watch that costs 2 million dollars?: Timbaland’s family got all kinds of worried this week after the rapper/super-producer went out for a drive, cutting off all contact, to clear his head after the trauma of having a two million dollar watch stolen from him (allegedly). By "all kinds of worried," I mean they filed a missing persons report with the LAPD, who subsequently issued a suicide attempt APB just before 5pm on Tuesday. Luckily for all parties involved, police helicopters managed to locate the producer’s Escalade. After patrolmen pulled Timbaland over, they determined that he was no danger to himself. This Wednesday morning, Timbaland tried his best to set the record straight by going on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show to tell his side of the story: "People steal from me all the time," Tim told Seacrest. "Something did happen. That wasn't a watch. It was something else." He also went on to reveal that he fears someone close to him was the culprit, but continued to reassure everyone that he was of sound mind, and that this incident wasn’t no thing, saying: "Now, why would I commit suicide? I could buy what was stolen,” and (my favorite line) "I just got back from the studio, I don't know if a person who's going to commit suicide would be in the studio."

This is what I see when I close my eyes.

Must make it stop!: Because I didn’t write about Kanye last week, the chip in my brain has been sending continuous searing pain to my frontal lobe (thanks, W3bsit3). So, in order to regain my higher mental functions, I will give Mr. West some coverage in this edition of Clef Notes. This week, we are informed by twitter, that Kanye has been in Prague (naturally), working on a film companion to his new album. He is also remixing a Justin Bieber song (Runaway Love) which features a guest verse by Raekwon (damn you twitter for making this happen), and today is set to kick off his "G.O.O.D Friday" project, where the meme intends on dropping one free MP3 download each week from here till year’s end. "I know y'all need the music, so I'm dropping one new song every weekend until Xmas," West tweeted over the weekend. "It may be my song, it may be a new Jay song, etc." This is a very magnanimous gesture from a man who really seems to not only be in touch with the times but also with technology... I hope that all of this genuflecting will earn me a few weeks of reprieve.

Word of advice to all MC's. Stay away from this "female."

Who the fuck is Kat Stacks?: Seeing as how I am a big-time respected journalist, I have little need for gossip columns. I am far more interested in facts, and the essence of sound, than I am into who is cheating on who, or who just got out of rehab. That being said, I can’t believe how entertaining/fascinating Kat Stacks is. She is the sort of entity that could only exist in a culture where anyone can become "famous"  by simply having the right combination of web 2.0 absurdity. Ms. Stacks actually got on my radar this week by dropping another one of her AMAZING YouTube videos. The newest installment of her videoblog (I guess we can call it that) not only “exposes” Soulja Boy as a cocaine addict, but also as a poor lover. Apparently, I am quite late to the whole Kat Stacks phenomenon; after doing some research, I learned that Soulja is just the latest artist to be put on blast by this awful, black-hearted she-creature. Her list of one time lovers turned haters includes, but is not limited to, Fabolous, the entire Young Money crew, Bow Wow, and numerous other hip-hop stars (and some NBA players as well)! A one time Miami “entertainment escort,” Ms. Stacks is rumored to have a tell-all book deal in the works, as well as other rumored projects, including an upcoming Kanye West beef... she just has to break into his house first.

State of the industry: It looks like I may have to rename this section "The Eminem Report." For the seventh week (second in a row), Recovery is the #1 album on the Billboard Top 200 countdown. Mr. Mathers' seventh studio album (Infinite counts, people) also managed to notch the most weeks at #1 for a male artist since Usher's Confessions, the most hip-hop album sales since OutKast’s Speakerboxxx/The Love Below, and is closing in on Taylor Swift's recent mark of 11 non-consecutive weeks at #1. Of course, Recovery’s reign will not last forever; in fact, all signs within the industry point to Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream (released this Tuesday) dethroning Eminem’s record. Why? Because people are fucking morons... not you though, you read Culture Blues.

Reviews

Katy Perry - Teenage Dream

Did you know Katy Perry’s first ever studio album was a Christian Pop record? That’s right, way before she ever kissed a girl (and liked it), Katy Hudson put out a self-titled record with song names like Faith Won’t Fail. What happened to miss Hudson to make her change artistic visions so drastically? I will give you a hint: it rhymes with honey and starts with the letter M. God just ain’t selling these days. So after numerous false starts, and a Capitol Records based reinvention (not to mention a new stage name), we lucky humans ended up with an “artist” who is equal parts infuriating and imbecilic. It should come as no surprise that Katy Perry’s new record, Teenage Dream, is toxically awful, especially when the first single on the record is nothing but a flagrant Ke$ha clone. Teenage Dream is the kind of record parents should keep their kids away from (if you don’t believe me, give this a listen); it is full of immature entendres, sickeningly over polished production, and sheer idiocy. I sometimes feel like I have to say something positive about all the records I review, so here goes... she sure does look great on the cover.

Klaxons - Surfing The Void (also my favorite album cover so far this year)

The story of the Klaxons’ follow-up to their 2007 Mercury Award winning debut (Myths of the Near Future) is a common, yet frustrating, one. The original version of this record was completed in early 2009, but was rejected by Polydor for being “too experimental.” Since then, Jamie Reynolds and company have had to engage in the tedious dance with producers that is the unfortunate, yet sometimes necessary, evil required to appease a band's suit-wearing masters. Now that the finished product is out, and the public has had a chance to give it a spin, the final verdict on Surfing The Void is - I wish I could have heard the original. Surfing The Void starts off on a very good note; the opening track (Echoes) is a pretty solid tune with a great bassline and a superb chorus. It is a shame that the rest of the record was not crafted from this mold. The record sounds kind of like it hates itself; while there are elements of songs like Cypherspeed and Surfing the Void that are admirable and engaging, they tend to be destroyed by verses that do nothing but derail momentum, and melodies that are awkward and the opposite of catchy. Thanks a lot Polydor, you really fucked this one up.

Mogwai - Special Moves

Even though Clef Notes is only a few weeks old, I’ve already mentioned Mogwai in two different editions. The seminal Scottish post-rock quintet is one of my favorite groups, and records like Young Team and Mr. Beast are some of my favorite speaker blasters. Such adoration for Mogwai is what led me to review their recent live record, even though I have never written up such an album. Setting expectations for a live record can be a tricky proposition; in order to give one a fair shake, you have to abandon your personal set list fantasies and try to appreciate the presentation and arrangements of the material that was played, which is why in the end I dug this record. Just about everything that makes Mogwai a special band is represented on Special Moves, whether it is their magnificent use of light and shade (Friend of the Night), their glorious cacophony (Hunted By A Freak), or their sheer ability to murder your ears (Glasgow Mega-Snake). This record and the companion DVD are an awesome glimpse of Mogwai’s magic.

16th Notes

Coldplay is waiting for Radiohead's new record to drop so they can get properly inspired.

It seems that Wyclef will NOT be able to run for the Presidency of Haiti. This is a win for Sean Penn, and a loss for Haiti... U2 recently announced that Jay-Z will be opening for the band during the Australian and New Zealand legs of their 360 world tour. This is step one in U2’s new street-cred campaign. Step two, fucking Kat Stacks... In recent interviews with just about all news outlets, Rivers Cuomo brought up the possibility that Weezer could do a tour of one night, full album shows, featuring The Blue Album and Pinkerton. I can’t believe I will pay to see Weezer again... Brandon Flowers is currently wrapping up his tour in support of his new solo record. Culture Blues editor Jeff Hart is still at the Highline Ballroom basking in the echo of the glow and refusing to wipe the tears off of his face. ... Kings of Leon reportedly turned down guest appearances on both Glee and Ugly Betty. I like these lads more and more every day... Coldplay has apparently signed a massive, and record breaking, deal with Universal Records this week. Figures have yet to be disclosed but, whatever the sum is, I hope they all burn in hell... Scissor Sisters are out there touring the U.S with their flamboyant stage show. That dear readers, was the reason for all the glitter on the freeway... Contrary to reports here in Clef Notes, Steven Tyler will in fact be an American Idol judge next year. I fucking hate big-lipped Bostonian liars... Lauryn Hill crawled out from underneath her money laden rock recently to perform at Rock The Bells and hate white people some more... Jimmy Page will soon be treating us all to a photo-heavy autobiography. Rumors abound that if you read it backwards, you will summon the ghosts of all of Zeppelin's dead groupies... Lastly, Santana is set to drop a cover record that will no doubt offend anyone with taste. This is all a ploy for him to rekindle his love affair with that asshole who used to sing for Matchbox 20... Wait, is Matchbox 20 even still around? Fuck it, I couldn’t possibly care less...

Top Ten List

In honor of Kat Stacks being this generation’s Superhead I present to you the top ten songs about maneaters and gold diggers.

10) Life In The Fast Lane - The Eagles
9) Money Honey - Lady Gaga
8) Maneater - Nelly Furtado
7) Money - The Flying Lizards
6) Cee- Lo - Fuck You
5) No Scrubs - TLC
4) Bills, Bills Bills - Destiny’s Child
3) Maneater - Hall and Oates
2) Gold Digger - Kanye West
1) Material Girl - Madonna

Track Of The Week

Fuck You - Cee- Lo: This week’s track is a change of pace from the usual chill-wave, indie nonsense that I generally reserve for this spot. Instead, I bring you Cee-Lo’s Fuck You, a song that has lit the internet ablaze and a fine example of what can happen when you create a tribute to a cherished genre instead of a re-hashed derivative bore.

Homework: Who would you like Kanye to collaborate with next? Will you go see Weezer perform The Blue Album or Pinkerton? Why does Katy Perry exist?

NEWS:

Can you see me now?

Thank goodness for technology: It seems that someone out there just got Kanye West his own computer! Over the last couple of weeks, Mr. West has been blowing up all of the internets with promotional activities in support of his upcoming fifth studio record. First, there was the impromptu visit he paid to the Facebook headquarters (complete with a capella song debuts), then he joined and effectively became the only person on Twitter, and now he has graced us with his own Ustream feed. While waiting for a flight out of South Korea, Kanye answered questions from fans while broadcasting his particular brand of braggadocio. Among the topics being discussed during this world stopping moment were: his next single and video, his twitter (of course), and why (he claims) he is no longer an asshole:  "It's about the art. I'm not allowing my attitude to get in the way of my creation anymore." Who knows where this multimedia explosion will lead us? Maybe Kanye will become the Mayor of the entire Universe on Four Square, maybe he will get his own flash game on Facebook, or maybe Kanye will start his own internet, one where all links lead to a Kanye themed second life where we all simply try to curry his favor.

I bet he will hate the movie adaptation: Esteemed comic book legend Alan Moore has recently announced his involvement in a multimedia collaboration with Mike Patton, Stuart Braithwaite (Mogwai), Justin Broadrick (Jesu), and photographer Mitch Jenkins. The project (titled Unearthing) is said to be a spoken-word biography of one of Moore’s mentors, British comic book writer Steven Moore, with an accompanying musical score and a book of photographs. Hopefully, it will be as good as the surprising Dark Night of the Soul, the Danger Mouse/Sparklehorse/David Lynch collaboration that came out last year. As Moore is involved you should expect an intricate narrative involving dead gods, aging superheroes, the quiet darkness of human frailty, and an alien creature who is actually the forgotten king of our reality.

Just stop it!

GOD DAMN IT!: Most of our readers are already aware of the special and personal feelings I have about Weezer (I despise them). It wasn’t always this way; like you, I was charmed by their debut, and Pinkerton, but everything after that is basically worthless (sure, you love that Beverly Hills song, but you suck). Naturally, when I read that Weezer was releasing a new album this fall my stomach seized in the fashion usually attributed to receiving only the worst of news. I tracked down the lackluster first single (meh), read the latest batch of Rivers Cuomo interviews (he is just awful), and started to glow with rage. Of course, all that was before I saw the album cover. Let’s be clear about something: this record has nothing to do with Lost. According to Cuomo: “I met and took a photo with Jorge Garcia, who was Hurley from Lost; he just has this amazing vibe and his expression in that photo seemed so right, so we just called [the album] Hurley.” In-fucking-credible. Could you see Bob Dylan, Jay-Z, or even Maroon 5 employing such an asinine album naming strategy? No, no you couldn’t.

Someone up there loves me: I will admit to all of you right now that there is no journalistic purpose for this story. This isn’t about keeping you informed, exposing sell-outs, or uncovering hypocrisies; instead this blurb is about Justin Bieber getting embarrassed and me laughing. All of us humble mortals were blessed this week as video surfaced of the Canadian born teen wet-dream getting hit in the head with a water bottle while on stage. It’s a moment of greatness that mankind will be able to savor for generations to come.

State of the industry: The number one record on the Billboard charts this week is (drum roll please) The Suburbs by Arcade Fire. Once you finish smiling and patting your bearded self on the back, keep one thing in mind... You didn't buy it. As a matter of fact, this week's number one sold fewer copies than last week's, which is absolutely absurd considering the promotional blitz that surrounded The Suburbs was massive and incalculably larger than Avenged Sevenfold's, not to mention The Suburbs was also heavily discounted on Amazon. So, is this a victory for Arcade Fire? Sure it is. After all, you and I don't have a number one record to our credit and, to be fair, it is technically an indie release, which makes it the second independently released record to be number one on the charts (but the other record was by Vampire Weekend and that makes my soul hurt).

REVIEWS:

King of the Beach - Wavves

Face it.  You and your friends have been playing that new MGMT record so much that your neighbors hate both it and you. It is time to move on to something else and, luckily for you, Wavves has released a record that is perfect for wasting the last days of August on a beach, at a barbecue, or by your pool (you rich scum). You may remember Wavves from our NXNE coverage earlier this year. I dug their live show, but it didn’t necessarily blow me away. Well, their new album doesn’t really blow me away either, but that being said, I do like it a lot. King of the Beach is a 12 track, 36 minute blast of lo-fi surf-rock noise-pop that isn’t particularly sophisticated but is still a very fun listen. Last year, singer/songwriter/guitarist Nathan Williams was best known for his onstage breakdown at Primavera Sound. This year he is trying to be the guy who capitalizes on the fact that it is suddenly indie to go the beach. He does a pretty effective job with songs like the title track and Super Soaker. Even the psychedelic cuts are decent if derivative, but I understand; the zeitgeist demands there be synths.

Crazy For You - Best Coast

Best Coast’s Crazy For You is the kind of record that you can fall in love with. It is a sweet, sun-drenched, oh-so-California cool breeze that just so happens to love you back (most of the time). Sure, the songs all happen to be about the same things (boyfriends and summer), but they come off as genuine odes to both the surf-pop genre, and to their subject matter. Sonically Crazy For You aims more for a blast-from-the-past feel than it does a “post-” interpretation, and though the tonal palette is modern, the song structure of tracks like I Want To and Summer Mood are nice throwbacks, while the harmonies that permeate most of the record are pretty close to timeless. This record is a very strong debut for Best Coast; the album’s first single, Boyfriend, was chosen as Pitchfork’s track of the week a while back, and though it may not be for everyone, you will find yourself enjoying moments of this album... if you let yourself. Btw did you know that Nathan Williams from Wavves and Bethany Cosentino from Best Coast are, like, totally BFF! ZOMG <3<3<3

Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti Before Today - Ariel Pink

To say that the early stages of Ariel Pink’s career are shrouded in mystery is putting it lightly. The California based musical recluse has been recording and storing material since the late 90s (most of it remains unheard today), and over the years he gained a reputation as the ultimate outsider in outsider music, a freak-folk genius, and an avant-garde mensch. Ariel Pink is now on Animal Collective’s label (obviously), and has released records that, today, seem like precognitive quatrains detailing the shape of the modern vogue (albeit at a lower fidelity). His newest effort is Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti Before Today (long album titles are to today what being a “The” band was to five years ago), and not only is it the most glossed and polished of Pink’s records, it is also his absolute best. The way that this record synthesizes genres and influences into a unique, fresh, and inimitable sound is (dare I say it) genius. Just so we are clear, I am not even a particularly big fan of chillwave, but this is not about my tastes. This is about how songs like Round and Round, Bright Lit Blue Skies, and Menopause Man are exemplary compositions that demand proper renown, and how this record deserves some of your time.

16TH NOTES

It seems that this whole “streaming your concert for free” thing is catching on; next on the list to perform for the web Jay-Z... Katy Perry had a rough week as she was first threatened by the  Beach Boys with legal action over the lyrics in her single California Gurls, then flamed by Beach House for naming her album Teenage Dream. This is why it helps if you have your own ideas... A new Elliot Smith compilation was revealed this week. Just in time for the holidays!... My Chemical Romance has announced that they will be dropping an album this year. Also, they are killing music in their basement... Spaceman 3 are reuniting without Jason Pierce, but with some aide from THE Kevin Shields. Shoegazm... STP is out there touring again. They are engaged in a pension scheme battle with Soundgarden, only Scott Wieland is going to blow it all on heroin. My Morning Jacket is also rumored to be in the studio. You probably like them more than I do, good for you... Mogwai is almost done in the studio, and I can’t wait to once again hear the sound of the sky crumbling...

TOP TEN COUNTDOWN

Reviewing all of that surfy sunshine pop this week got me thinking about the best summer songs of all time.

10) The Boys of Summer - Don Henley

9) Summertime Blues - Eddie Cochran

8) Summertime - Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff

7) The Summer - Yo La Tengo

6) Nightswimming - R.E.M

5) Summer of 69 - Bryan Adams

4) Summer Babe - Pavement

3) Heavy Metal Drummer - Wilco

2) 36-24-36 - The Violent Femmes

1) Summertime Clothes - Animal Collecitve

TRACK OF THE WEEK

Glitter - No Age: This week's track is the first single off of No Age's highly anticipated upcoming record. The album will be called Everything in Between and is due for a late September release. If this is any indication of what the record will sound like then we should all be pleased this fall.

Here is your homework: 1) What is your favorite summer jam? 2) What artists would you like to see collaborate in a multimedia project (living or dead)? 3) Who do you think should be the next to start a Ustream feed?

I get it to some degree... The White Stripes are one of the best acts to have come out of the post-alternative landscape; what they brought to the table sonically was fresh(ish), unique, and set them apart from other bands with the word "The" in their names. The Dead Weather are NOT The White Stripes; not as fresh, not as unique, and frankly not as good (even though Treat Me Like Your Mother is a pretty-sweet tune).

I have, apparently, been doing this review thing for long enough that I am getting a chance to review multiple records by the same band. My review of Horehound (which incidentally was the first review I ever wrote) was released way back in August of last year, and since that time I would like to think that I have evolved and found my voice as a writer; sadly The Dead Weather cannot make the same claim. To be brutally honest, it seems as if they have regressed.

Many of the problems that I had with the "band's" (I still have a hard time seeing them as anything more than another Jack White vanity project) debut are still present, and the most glaring (and still rather disappointing) is the genuine lack of anything genuine. The album still tries to be gritty, though it has replaced a lot of the more pronounced blues leanings with a misguided, and maybe even more affected, swagger. A song like Hustle And Cuss just makes me feel nervous, or even slightly embarrassed for them (kind of like when the Stones went disco, except nowhere near as earth-shattering). As I was listening to this record, I liked to close my eyes and cruelly imagine the recording process as they jammed out in the studio with their rehashed, yet obviously unrehearsed, licks, grinning and sure that they were laying down some hot shit, while they were really just wasting time-both theirs and ours.

Sea Of Cowards isn't about hooks and shine, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. The problem is, all of the "ferocity" and "attitude" that drench every inch of this album are too shot-from-the-hip, too reckless, and far too fleeting. There are some tracks that are decent; Blue Blood Blues (the opener) is a bombastic edgy-stomp with some great White lyrics and angular delivery: "All the white girls trip, when I sing at Sunday service", The Difference Between Us has a dope, spider-like, crawling synth-organ lead, and stellar vocal work by Allison Mosshart (who should really sing on all of the tracks instead of just half), and I Can't Hear You captures something  slightly vibrant and fresh, with its goth-blues, trudge-like-slog and more than interesting dueling guitar lines. Unfortunately, there aren't enough highlights on this record for me to fill up this paragraph, let alone a favorable review.

In the end, I know that some of you Jack White fanatics will buy anything the man releases, but realistically, you are the only ones who should be picking up this record. The rest of us will just have to wait for him to get back to business with Meg.

***This special installment features a Best Video of the Decade vote instead of the usual Video of the Month/Flashback combo. Check it out at the bottom.

Forever the Sickest Kids “What Do You Want From Me?” – Well, let’s see. I want you to not have a band name that makes me hate white people.  I want you to not be the unholy reincarnation of Sum 41. And I want you to die in a fiery tour bus accident. Other than that, nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I promise, this is just the tip of a wonderful, wonderful iceberg.

Timbaland ft. SoShy “Morning After Dark” – Come for the possibility of a 7 minute long Thriller-esque horror epic. Stay for the ridiculous faces Timbaland pulls throughout. They are exaggerated, hammy and endlessly entertaining. You will love them. You will try to recreate them. NOTE: Click here for a truncated version of the video that features an added verse/appearance by Nelly Furtado. It’s kind of better because of Nelly and because it has proportionately more Timbaland faces.

Puddle of Mudd “Spaceship” – Easily one of the most aggressively dumb and repugnant things I’ve ever seen. There is no way I can possibly do the stupidity of this video justice. Unfortunately, you have to watch it to understand. Whatever you do, no matter how much it takes out of you, make sure you stick it out until the part with the CG tongues.

k-os ft. Saukrates “I Wish I Knew Natalie Portman” – In more very derivative music video news, this clip from two Canadian rappers borrows visuals from The Dukes of Hazzard and No Country for Old Men. And some other things when the video takes an odd turn for the third act. Definitely worth a viewing.

Ke$ha “Tic Tok” – Slutty, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.

Freeway & Jake One “Know What I Mean” – The fanciest thing about this video from the former Roc-A-Fella sixth man and an up and coming underground producer is Philly Freeway’s trademark beard. Bare bones in the best possible way, this definitely whetted my appetite for their forthcoming full length.

This video might give you vertigo.

OK Go “WTF?” – If the latest video from the those guys who made the treadmill video a few years ago is likely to be a hot topic in your social circle, then 1) get new friends and 2) watch this video immediately. It’s got interesting visuals but the gimmick gets old long before the video ends. Also, the song is lame.

T-Pain “Take Your Shirt Off” – It honestly pains me (t-pun intended), but I cannot endorse this video. In spite of step teams, shirts being spun like helicopters, crazy ass dancing and the inimitable T-Pain, the song is just too repetitive. A 30 second snippet would be great, but not 4 minutes. Also, I’m done supporting anything that even appears to share an ideology with Joe Francis.

Vandaveer “A Mighty Leviathan of Old” – Showing performers walking past all sorts of goings on in long, continuous takes is a common video trope. But it’s much rarer for that style of video to match the song as well as it does here. The simple strumming and percussion of this folksy tune creates a perfect rhythm to walk to. And the goings on are pretty entertaining. Highly recommended.

Pretty Ricky “Say A Command” – You know those automated phone services that take voice commands? Well, if you’ve ever wanted to have sex with the voice at the other end, then this is the video for you! It’s terrible, but there’s something that makes this a must watch. Maybe it’s the robot hook, or the awful virtual reality video. Or the fact that the members of this group are named Lingerie, Spectacular, Baby Blue and Slick ‘Em. Yeah, that’s what it is. SLICK ‘EM!!!

Nice terrifying panda mask, creep.

Motion City Soundtrack “Disappear” – A high energy track that seems like it would be right at home on alternative rock stations of the mid 90s – which is a good thing if you ask me. And the video, well I would suggest you just go and watch it before reading any more. But if that’s not good enough for you, it’s a spooky little clip that takes visual cues from The Others, Funny Games and the mother of them all, the Friday the 13^th series. No gore though.

Brazzaville “Jesse James” – The pleasant sounding track is at odds with the morbid lyrics (this is one song title that is totally appropriate) and frankly it’s all a little unsettling. It’s also captivating from start to finish. The fully vintage video gets the job done well enough.

With wild democratic fervor, the editors of Culture Blues have decided to let our readers determine Culture Blues Music Video of the Decade. Based on my tireless data accumulation, endless number crunching, and arbitrary elimination of things I don’t like, these 5 videos represent the most popular and critically acclaimed of the last 10 years. In the kind of transparency the US Government should aspire to, the vote will be carried out in the comments section for all to see. Voting will be open for, let's say, one week. Without further ado…

Why, Rivers? Why?

Weezer “Pork and Beans” – The embarrassing has-beens of the 90s alternative rock scene appropriately gather the cultural detritus of the aughties, put it in a blender and force feed it to us. Frankly, I don’t get the appeal but this one scored big on some critics’ lists.

White Stripes “Fell in Love With a Girl” – By far the favorite, this video is sure to appear on just about any best of the decade list. Undeniably a marvel of animation, what separates this video from similar visual fireworks exhibitions is that it’s a fully functioning badass music video that just happens to be animated with Legos and only 1 minute 55 seconds long. Add a good song and the fact that Jack White told Lego to bugger off after they initially dismissed The White Stripes’ offer of synergy, and this is one for the ages.

Beyonce “Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)” – Another major critical darling that I must admit, I’m just not that into. I’m a much bigger fan of the epic Get Me Bodied. With its flash, girls dancing while lounging, and ridiculous dances and dance names, I consider it the best Beyonce video of the decade. The critics have spoken though, and Single Ladies is representing her here.

Mr. Beyonce

Jay-Z “99 Problems” – Hov lures Rick Rubin back to the rap game for this classic. This gritty black and white video strips away the years of gloss that had taken over Jay-Z’s image. And it controversially ends with the assassination of Jay-Z, giving way to the birth of Shaun Carter. Which promptly led to the resurrection of Jay-Z because everyone hated Kingdom Come.

The Isley Brothers ft. R. Kelly “Contagious” – OK, so technically this spot should belong to Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet, but I disqualified it for three reasons. First, it’s a little silly to compare the full epic to single music videos and even sillier to just choose one installment. Second, the song takes such a backseat to the video that the music seems to have been created to serve the visuals rather than the other way around, and that doesn’t really fit the spirit of music videos. And third, we all know it would win the popular vote which would thereby make this whole voting thing unnecessary. Instead, I offer one of my absolute favorite R. Kelly videos of the past decade. The song was written and produced by Kels, so regardless of whose album it appeared on, it is certainly an R. Kelly affair. It fits very nicely with Trapped’s soap opera motif. And it’s a sequel to the 1996 classic Down Low. You’re welcome.

These are your nominees. Vote below in the comments.

I get it; Rivers Cuomo is going through a mid-life crisis. It must be hard to handle the Universal Theory of Artistic Entropy that was so eloquently explained in Trainspotting:

Sick Boy: It's certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life.

Mark: What do you mean?

Sick Boy: Well, at one time, you've got it, and then you lose it, and it's gone forever. All walks of life: George Best, for example. Had it, lost it. Or David Bowie, or Lou Reed.

Mark: Lou Reed, some of his solo stuff's not bad.

Sick Boy: No, it's not bad, but it's not great either. And in your heart you kind of know that although it sounds all right, it's actually just shite.

Mark: So who else?

Sick Boy: Charlie Nicholas, David Niven, Malcolm McLaren, Elvis Presley . . .

Mark: OK, OK, so what's the point you're trying to make?

Sick Boy: All I'm trying to do, Mark, is help you understand that The Name of The Rose is merely a blip on an otherwise uninterrupted downward trajectory.

Mark: What about The Untouchables?

Sick Boy: I don't rate that at all.

Mark: Despite the Academy Award?

Sick Boy: That means fuck all. It's a sympathy vote.

Mark: Right. So we all get old and then we can't hack it anymore. Is that it?

Sick Boy: Yeah.

Mark: That's your theory?

Sick Boy: Yeah. Beautifully fucking illustrated.

Cuomo lost it. (That's right; this record is so bad most of my review is a Trainspotting quote).

There are two highlights. The first track (If you’re wondering if I want you to) I want you to (Editors note- we know it's convoluted, but that whole thing is the name of the song), is a decent enough tune, though the chorus is practically unforgivable. The only truly listenable tune is Put Me Back Together, a track whose merits seem almost out of place on this record.

The low lights are innumerable: The uninspired and completely contrived, sitar-drenched, Love is the Answer (George Harrison spits on this track from Heaven), the hopefully ironic Can't Stop Partying (not even Lil' Wayne can save it), and In The Mall stands out as one of the worst things to happen to music ever (I have read it was penned or at least inspired by Rainn Wilson... He needs to stick to acting).

Please don't buy this record. It won't be worth having to explain yourself to your friends later.