I get it; Rivers Cuomo is going through a mid-life crisis. It must be hard to handle the Universal Theory of Artistic Entropy that was so eloquently explained in Trainspotting:

Sick Boy: It's certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life.

Mark: What do you mean?

Sick Boy: Well, at one time, you've got it, and then you lose it, and it's gone forever. All walks of life: George Best, for example. Had it, lost it. Or David Bowie, or Lou Reed.

Mark: Lou Reed, some of his solo stuff's not bad.

Sick Boy: No, it's not bad, but it's not great either. And in your heart you kind of know that although it sounds all right, it's actually just shite.

Mark: So who else?

Sick Boy: Charlie Nicholas, David Niven, Malcolm McLaren, Elvis Presley . . .

Mark: OK, OK, so what's the point you're trying to make?

Sick Boy: All I'm trying to do, Mark, is help you understand that The Name of The Rose is merely a blip on an otherwise uninterrupted downward trajectory.

Mark: What about The Untouchables?

Sick Boy: I don't rate that at all.

Mark: Despite the Academy Award?

Sick Boy: That means fuck all. It's a sympathy vote.

Mark: Right. So we all get old and then we can't hack it anymore. Is that it?

Sick Boy: Yeah.

Mark: That's your theory?

Sick Boy: Yeah. Beautifully fucking illustrated.

Cuomo lost it. (That's right; this record is so bad most of my review is a Trainspotting quote).

There are two highlights. The first track (If you’re wondering if I want you to) I want you to (Editors note- we know it's convoluted, but that whole thing is the name of the song), is a decent enough tune, though the chorus is practically unforgivable. The only truly listenable tune is Put Me Back Together, a track whose merits seem almost out of place on this record.

The low lights are innumerable: The uninspired and completely contrived, sitar-drenched, Love is the Answer (George Harrison spits on this track from Heaven), the hopefully ironic Can't Stop Partying (not even Lil' Wayne can save it), and In The Mall stands out as one of the worst things to happen to music ever (I have read it was penned or at least inspired by Rainn Wilson... He needs to stick to acting).

Please don't buy this record. It won't be worth having to explain yourself to your friends later.