Bomb.

The Terra Nova Pilot in Exactly 100 Words:  A family that violated the two child limit of the polluted and overcrowded future sneaks their way into Terra Nova, a colony established in the past of an alternate time-stream. After thwarting an assassination on commander Stephen Lang, ex-cop Jason O’Mara joins TN’s security force. He helps Lang contend with a group of settlers called “6ers” who have broken off from the main colony for mysterious reasons. O’Mara and Lang also rescue of a group of teenagers that snuck outside the fence, almost getting eaten by dinosaurs. After saving his life, O’Mara and his annoying son find some common ground.

I was rooting for the dinosaurs.

Actually, no, I wasn’t. These overabundant CGI creations are rendered with only a bit more skill than the creatures that might terrorize operators of a Stargate. I guess $4 million per episode just doesn’t buy what you’d think. Also, these dinosaurs are universally terrible at eating people (I’m thinking specifically of one of the “slicer” dinos apathetically gnawing on a teenager’s leg).

It’s a shame that the dinosaurs of the past of an alternate time-steam – whatever exactly that means, “fire up your message boards, nerds!” hopes FOX executive – are such ineffectual killing machines, because the cast of Terra Nova could use some trimming down. Whiny Landon Liboiron, who stars as O’Mara’s troublemaking plot device errrr son, sets a new speed record for becoming unbearably annoying. He spends most of his time with troubled prehistoric dream girl Allison Miller, whose motivations for wanting to hang around and share secrets with the toxic Liboiron are developed only insomuch as someone needs to drop all this exposition, and someone needs to get chased by dinosaurs, so who better than this chick?

As the bland patriarch of this repurposed Marshall family, O’Mara looks absolutely lost. He spends most of the episode in a state of slack-jawed confusion, sometimes thanks to the challenges of his brave new world (like giant bugs!) and sometimes thanks to the challenges of this undercooked script. In repetitious scenes where O’Mara attempts to reconnect with his youngest daughter, O’Mara exhibits the naturalness of a Sears photographer trying to coax a smile out of a grumpy baby.

The lone bright spot in the cast is Lang who is suitably steely and mysterious as the survivalist leader of the colony. Good for him, bad for the rest of the cast, especially too-young-for-three-children Simone Kessell who the writers predictably flip-flop between damsel-in-distress and wet-blanket. Lang’s role is, at this point, the only decent one on Terra Nova. The rest of the cast is asked to do very little which actually might be a blessing in disguise.

Terra Nova wants badly to be the next Lost. It lumps the mythology on heavily in the first episode. We have a group of secessionists from the main colony, Lang’s unseen wild-man son carving inscrutable glyphs into rock faces, and multiple shouted hints that the true purpose of Terra Nova is not what it seems. That’s all gravy, and it might be enough to get some science fiction diehards trading theories on the internet, but I doubt it. Because who gives a shit about the smoke monster if there’s no Jack Shephard?

At least until its final seasons, Lost understood that mythology was intriguing, but it was characters that kept audiences coming back. Consider all the memorable character moments in the Lost pilot. There is nothing in Terra Nova that comes close to Kate stitching up Jack, or Locke serenely wiggling his toes. Terra Nova might have set out to emulate Lost, but with bland casting choices locked into boring parts, its pilot has done a better job of emulating The Event. Remember how that turned out?

Would I Watch Again? Here’s the twist: yes! I’m willing to give this expensive mess at least a couple more episodes to find its footing. At the very least, I can say that I witnessed the most catastrophic flop in network history.

I don't envy the creators of Lost. Granted, they're paid handsomely to lord over a massively successful show, possibly the last unique drama to have a chance to grow and thrive on network television, with a vast and passionate fanbase. Seems like a sweet deal until this Sunday, when the dude responsible for Brisco County Jr and the other guy are expected to bring it all to a satisfactory conclusion. Yeah - good luck with that.

I'm not saying that Lost's finale will be met with a collective head scratch like The Sopranos was, and unless Desmond turns out to have been an angel all along I doubt it will sink to Battlestar Galactica levels of infuriating shitacity.  Unlike those two shows, Lost has been a consistently fun ride over its six seasons and, at worst, that's what we'll get on Sunday; a fun, action packed two and a half hours of television. However, Lost has a ton of baggage. An unwieldy cast of characters from which everyone has a favorite, questions big and small that fans are still gnawing on, and six seasons worth of false starts and loose plot strands that still maybe could, you know, mean something, like what happened to Ben's magic box, man, and how that relates to the Valenzetti Equation...

With all that junk hanging out there, there's no way for the Lost creators to satisfy every fan. But they can at least still satisfy me. Isn't that what's important here? With that in mind, here's what I need to get from the final hours of Lost to feel good about the series.

I don't like the looks of that.

Jack keeps on being badass
I think most fans came into this season hungry for answers to mysteries big and small. How did the statue get smashed? Why is Richard ageless? What’s the deal with the island? The answers we’ve gotten are nice, and I enjoy the mythology for the most part, but mysteries be damned Lost has always been about the characters for me, specifically Jack Shephard. I know some people aren’t big fans of the good doctor. Those people are stupid and wrong. Lost is a house built on a foundation of awesome Jack moments. Oh – what’s that? You want top 5 scenes where Jack yells? Okay!

1) Jack refusing to perform surgery on Ben and yelling “Kate, damn it, run!”
2) Jack with a huge beard yelling “Kate we have to go back!”
3) Jack hemming up John Locke and yelling “nothing will happen!” referring to the button (oops).
4) Jack yelling at Kate and Juliet as he insists on being awake during his own surgery.
5) Jack on a sinking submarine yelling “there is no Sayid!”

Shit, I even like the Jack flashback that takes place in Thailand. To keep me happy, all Darlton had to do this season was give Jack some badass stuff to do and they haven’t disappointed. He’s had great scenes on-island with Sawyer, his alterna-verse storyline plucks all the right heart strings, and he’s even had the requisite standing in the wide open while wildly firing a gun scene (right after he shoves freaking Smokey into the drink!). As of Tuesday, Jack is now New Jacob or Protector of the Island or Keeper of the Light – whatever, still same old bossy radical Jack, except now with super powers. I don’t think the new title, or the fact that alterna-Jack keeps waking up with a bad case of phantom-bloody-throat, bode well for his chances of surviving the finale. In fact, I was terrified he was going to get shot by a gun-toting Ben during the What They Died For ceremony. If it happens, I just hope his death is spectacular, that he has one more great yell in him, and that the heartbreaking event is followed immediately by an on-air moment of silence.

Maybe the magic bullet hits her agent for booking her on V.

Who did Juliet shoot during the time-jumping out-rigger chase?
I need to see that time traveling bullet hits its mark, man! Over at What’s Alan Watching Darlton claims they won't be resolving this because of what sounds like scheduling conflicts. I think they're lying. There's been too many outrigger moments this season, too many teases. I tend to believe Darlton when they say they won’t resolve obscure mysteries from the first few seasons, but this was just last year. They should’ve had this plotted out tight. I’m holding out hope that somebody’s catching that bullet.

Why do people have powers anyway?
I don't need a lot of time spent on this. Just a single line of dialogue would do. The information dump that happened around the fire in What They Died For would've been a perfect time for this. Hurley could've asked why he can see dead people, and Jacob could've fed us some line about The Light sometimes seeping off the island, sparks popping off here and there and granting people all kinds of fancy necromancer magic. From that I could have merrily inferred the same about Miles, Desmond, and Walt. That reminds me...

Remember this little creep?

WAAAAAAAAAAAAALT!
They had a chance to square this one with me a few weeks ago when Michael's ghost appeared to Hurley. "Say hi to Walt for me." That's it. That would've been enough. Just a tiny acknowledgment that Walt, who was a huge piece of the second season plot and has gone almost unremarked upon since, still exists in this world. I'd like to see him and Michael pop up at this museum gala somehow, even if they have to CGI that little fucker in. Or, I'll settle for a flash forward that also serves as preview for Darlton's upcoming Lost Babies, where Walt leads Aaron, Ji Yeon, Charlie Jr, Clementine, and the reality jumping David Shephard (he's like Cable) back to the island to find out what happened to all their parents. Sounds awesome, right? Call me guys, I have a spec script, and I'm not married to calling it Lost Babies.

Richard Alpert can’t be dead
The deaths this season haven't carried the same gravity that they have in the past. Part of that might be due to the alterna-timeline where a lot of these characters are likely to pop up. Still, at times Darlton have been downright callous in dispatching our characters. Lapidus death by flying door? Ok, fine, he wasn't that important. Ilana blowing herself up? Might have served the purpose of turning Ben firmly against the island - remember his bitter "the island was done with her" line. But Richard Alpert? Going out in a 5 second smoke monster blast? Hell no. That's not happening. He deserves a bigger moment. I need to see Alpert stagger into the final conflict. Batmanuel costume optional.

The good guy.

A return of the Man of Science
Over at the AV Club, Noel Murray (my go-to choice for Lost coverage) has a nice take on the necessary ambiguities that are so important to Lost. One of, if not the central theme of Lost has always been faith vs. science, or fate vs. free will. Over the entire series, Darlton has done a great job of keeping us in shades of gray, at least until this year. Now, our series long Man of Science (Jack) has been converted into THE Man of Faith, and our representative for free will is literally a monster that’s been piling up bodies all season long. They’ve been pitching the boat toward a straight up showdown of good vs. evil and that’s never been what the show’s been about. Frankly, I think Jacob sucks balls. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. With his great “it’s just a line of chalk on a wall” line in the last episode, he showed us that he’s just a man, an ageless one maybe, but still a man that doesn’t totally understand the power that he’s dealing with. He’s a dunce and his mom was one crazy bitch. How many deaths is Jacob’s search for a replacement responsible for? Everyone on Oceanic, Ajira, the freighter, all the Others. Was it necessary? Was it worth it? Someone needs to stand up to these wannabe deities and say enough is enough, stop meddling with people’s lives to serve a purpose you don’t even understand. Has it occurred to anyone that a magic light that pukes out creatures like the Smoke Monster might not be worth protecting? That we might be better off sinking the whole damn twisted place? That’s it. I’ve talked myself into it. I’m rooting for not-Locke.

Ok – that’s what I need from the Lost finale. What are you guys looking for? Let’s hear it in the comments.

Man, I wish it was Sleestaks all along.

SPOILERS BELOW FOR THE MOST RECENT LOST! ALERT! ALERT!

So, there it is, the origin of Jacob and that other guy. The episode that, well, it explained their origin and a little bit more, but not too much. I can handle not getting much of an explanation for the mythology stuff, for all the mysteries. I would certainly be accepting if the show were going down that road. If they were delving into all this electromagnetism, reversed pole stuff, blah blah blah. The nitty gritty of that could be fun, but once they introduced ghosts they pretty much ruled out explaining everything in a scientific way. Regardless, that’s clearly not where this show is going.

The problem is that they’re not exploring that stuff in depth AND they're not giving us very good dramatic character/plot development stuff either. I have seen commenters on the internet today state that the main characters lack "agency" these days, which is a good way of putting something I've been feeling for a while. Our castaways, who are still the main characters of this story despite numerous distractions, haven't been behaving like the functioning personalities we got to know early on. They largely seem out there just to serve the plot. And even as they slave under the rule of this methodically paced plot, things don’t really seem to be coming to a head.

If this is all leading up to Jack taking over as protector, then they've done a pretty good job with his transformation, and I think that would be a good ending. But if that is what they had in mind all along (and it seems reasonable to imagine they did), then it seems a little unexplored still. His jump to “man of faith” status is largely accounted for by the unaccounted for 3 years after leaving the island.

One of the biggest drawbacks to the later Lost is how disjointed the narrative has become. The first 4 seasons took us through 100 days (and a few post-midnight hours), primarily focused on our core group of survivors. They were all reacting to basically the same situations and problems. It was very intensive, day-to-day stuff and we got to know these people pretty well. They were fleshed out characters with some nice nuance.

Then, all of a sudden, it's 3 years later. Some people have been off the island, some have been time traveling and living life on the island. We come back, and these characters are changed significantly, but we never really get to know them again, especially because we jump back into intensive, day-to-day stuff that is super plot driven: gathering people to go back to the island, stealing nuclear bombs. And then, pretty suddenly, its endgame. And in case, that wasn’t convoluted enough for you, here’s a helping of alternate realities.

This season, I've often felt detached from the proceedings. When looking at characters we've known since Day 1, I find myself having trouble remembering who they are, what they've been through, what they know and what drives them. This seems shitty for a show that spent, I don't know, a third of the episode time from seasons 1-3 telling us just who these people are and what drives them through individual flashbacks.

It seems that here at the end, I'm more interested in talking about their storytelling techniques and process and the development of the show than the story itself, which is sad because it's been a pretty great story overall.

Noooooo.

SPOILERS BELOW FOR THE MOST RECENT LOST! ALERT! ALERT!

So there I am watching Lost; I'm eating my wild boar, I've wrapped Dharma labels around my PBR's, and I am freaking out 'cause Sawyer just pulled those whats-its out of that bomb. The room I am in is starting to tremble as my panic fills it. How are they going to get out of this one? Shouldn't Sawyer have learned by now? Is wounded Kate going to die? Then the unspeakable fucking happens. Halfway through the 45th minute of Lost, my poor sweet Sayid looks into the face of the new Jaco- I mean Jack, and starts to tell him about the well that still has Desmond in it (if this isn't making sense to you I don't care), at this point I am spewing profanity at my TV with rather embarrassing frequency.

"Oh my God, Sayid!" I yell, knocking over my scale model of Flight 815.

Jack looks him in the face and asks. "Why are you telling me this?"

Sayid looks back all cold-blooded and badass. "Because it is going to be you, Jack".

He picks up the bomb and starts to run with it, and I think to myself, "Maybe he is going to do something awesome with it, like flush it out a torpedo tube -that sub has to have torpedo tubes, right?"... but no. Sayid ran with it till it blew up in his hands; maybe he thought that his fit Iraqi body would be able to absorb some of the blast and help protect the other survivors, maybe he was seeking some sort of absolution for the fall he had taken this season... or maybe it was just another nonsensical, illogical TV death. Couldn't he have thrown the bomb into a room and closed the door to at least given himself a shot? Couldn't Charlie have stepped out of the radio room before it flooded and closed that door as well? Come on!!! Also, we are taking about Sayid here; not Lapidus, who died in stock comical fashion (with a one liner to boot), but Sayid! Surely he deserved better than that. Surely I did too!

At this point I want to run to my replica of the Swan station, curl up into a ball, and cry my night away, but Darlton aren't done yet! I now have to have my shock and grief get compounded by heartbreak.

We all knew that Jin wasn't going anywhere, and that is what made it terrible. They had spent SO much time looking for each other; throughout space-time, plot-twists, and plot-holes only to be reunited in the episode prior. There was some very clumsy foreshadowing in the first half of the episode, as Jin and Sun had a conversation about who had custody of the daughter that Jin himself had never met in person, which gave you the feeling that something terrible was going to happen. Once it became obvious that Sun was trapped and could not be rescued, the Lost melancholy melody started playing and my eyes began to sting a little.

This whole thing was just getting too brutal for me. My dog, Vincent, tried to come over and console me but I was too distraught. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that there are only four hours left of this series and THIS is where they are taking it!

Then something dawned on me! "Wait a second" I shouted as my heart attempted to lift. "Kate is still shot! Maybe she will die too!" I crossed my fingers and toes in wishful anticipation... and found her standing on the god-damn beach! You have got to be fucking kidding me! Talk about a cock tease. Way to add acrimonious insult to my injury.

Sigh.

As the episode ended I sat there and tried to collect my wits. V then started to come on, and the sight of Juliet was too much for me, so I turned off my TV. Just in time too, that stupid alarm was going off.

Lost fans do it live!

(10) Television executives were all shocked this week to find that loyal fans of the hit drama Lost did NOT flock to watch the pirated leak of this week's mind-bending premiere. Perhaps it was the timing of said leak? Fans had already waited months for the show to come back on, so it may not have seemed worth it to watch a shaky, and visually artifacted, bootleg version, when the episode would be playing in glorious HD in a matter of days. Or maybe something can be said for the general notion of "being a part of something" that spawned Lost parties for premiere night, and water-cooler conversations the next day. Whatever the reason, not only did you all not watch the leaks, but the ratings for the premiere were up too! A ton of people even watched the hourlong preview show! This all goes to show that anticipation for this season was at feverish, but still ethical, levels.

(9) To celebrate the iconic board game’s 75^th anniversary, Hasbro will release Monopoly Revolution. Unfortunately, the game has nothing to do with toppling the inherently corrupt system of capitalism and establishing a communist utopia. Instead, the game will undergo drastic but joyless changes such as getting a round board, an ATM and debit cards instead of paper money and an electronic banking pod that does the math for you and plays bits of songs to coincide with certain events. Purists are worried the more automated game will not allow for “house rules,” which are just excuses for not knowing the real rules. But what’s most disturbing is that the suits at Hasbro are so delusional they actually think they can pry kids away from their iPhones to play a board game that takes 4 hours and is an incredibly frustrating experience for all but one player. Yeah, good luck with that.

If the dark meat and white meat can coexist, why can't we?

(8) Was it racially insensitive on NBC’s part to dedicate their lunch menu of fried chicken, collard greens, and cornbread to Black History Month? Yeah, probably, although we certainly don’t think that lunch menu was trying to boil down all of black history into a pot of collard greens. On the other hand, all of that sounds pretty delicious. Is it so wrong to honor a culture for their amazing contributions to the culinary arts? Especially fried chicken. Sure, the Scottish are credited with bringing fried chicken to America, but it wasn’t until black people got hold of it that spices were introduced to the batter and the real good shit was born. Frankly, we consider fried chicken a national treasure. We’ve come a long way from bullshit like The Coon Chicken Inn. If anything can heal the racial divides that still exist in this country, it’s a bucket of Popeye's spicy.

(7) The Academy Award nominations were announced this week, and while our resident prognosticator Jeff Hart labeled his October predictions as “disappointing” and “poopy,” we have to admit, we’ve got it. We’ve got the Oscar Fever. It’s all just so exciting. The debates about who should win! The plotlines (divorced couple Jimmy Cameron and Kathryn Bigelow going head to head)! The NBC pimping that hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are sure to engage in during ABC’s broadcasting of the event! And the dresses! Oh, the dresses! We just hope that this year they are once again able to maintain the dignity and reverence of past years by rewarding the best films and performances.

These people will all be drunk and topless come Sunday night.

(6) SPOILER ALERT!!! As it turns out, we don't even need to watch the Super Bowl this weekend. Once again EA has looked into their digital crystal ball and determined that the outcome will be Saints 35 - Colts 31... You read that right. Despite the line (Colts by 5), the consensus of most experts, and the overall burly-ness of Peyton Manning, the annual Madden simulation, which has correctly predicted the last six Super Bowls not involving David Tyree, is going with the underdog. And what a game it will be! The Saints will start the 4th quarter down 24-21 before Reggie Bush takes a punt return all the way, Manning responds with a touchdown pass to Addai, and Brees puts the final nail in the coffin with a game winning completion to tight end David Thomas in the back of the end-zone. Thanks for this absurd use of your oracular powers EA. I guess we will just have to watch for the commercials now.

(5) Rumors swirled this week that Miley Cyrus' 9 year old sister Noah was modeling for a new line of children's lingerie. Apparently a company named Oh La La Couture (known for making high-priced, boutique, kids clothes) has tapped both Noah Cyrus and the equally young Emily Grace (she plays nine year old Hannah Montana on the show... I think) to peddle a line of suspicious “tutu dresses” sure to give a lot of dads heart attacks. We here at Culture Blues are put in a tough position by this turn of events. There are obviously a lot of off color and what some might consider unseemly jokes that we would LOVE to make, but we aren't really interested in any extra special attention from the Feds. We are just going on the record saying this is totally wrong and leave it at that... Giggle.

The $ stands for $hitty!

(4) Ke$ha is really working overtime to get across the message that she's a wild and crazy, good times party girl whose reckless and meaningless rebellion we should all find adorable. But her most recent attempt, a viral video of a clearly staged prank involving the Hollywood sign, is actually just a rip off of the 90210 kids’ senior prank. And there is nothing less wild and crazy than the 90210 kids, except for when Kelly turned into a cokehead. That was pretty crazy. Or that time Scott killed himself while playing with his dad’s gun. Maybe that’s what Ke$ha should emulate next.

(3) If you’ve been following our Friday Countdowns then you know that as saviors of humanity your friends at Culture Blues have been diligent in our coverage of the upcoming robot apocalypse. What freaky shit do we have for you this week?  How about the Robonaut 2? Designed by NASA and General Motors, its purpose is to do bitchwork in space, assemble cars, and strangle the life from website editors. Robots shaped like people are always super creepy, but this one breaks new ground for two reasons. First, it appears to enjoy lifting weights, really working the cyber-glamour muscles. Second, it has a fucking Metroid helmet! Seriously, the Robonaut will be the last thing that you see before you die.

He suffered so that we wouldn't have to.

(2) When we were children, there was a single moment that taught us everything we would ever need to know about life. It was when we learned that success is fleeting; that nothing lasts forever. It was when we learned that nice guys always finish last. It was when we learned that your more attractive and talented friends are destined to betray you. We learned all this as boys while watching professional wrestling. We were made cynical and bitter on that fateful day when Shawn Michaels turned on his best friend and partner, Marty Jannetty, and pitched him through a barbershop window. It remains one of the darkest days in modern history, the 9/11 of the 80s, a day when the darkest depths of humanity were revealed to an unsuspecting generation of Rockers fans. And weren’t all of us, even those too classy for professional wrestling, Rockers fans at heart? Marty Jannetty, a man who for us epitomizes the idea that the world will ultimately destroy you, turned 48 this week. A broken man, a tragic figure, Jannetty stands as a living reminder of the futility of the human struggle.

(1) In more Super Bowl news, the most intriguing subplot this year might be off the field. College football superstar and future NFL bust Tim Tebow will appear in an anti-abortion ad with a message of “Celebrate family, celebrate life, and celebrate me, Tim Tebow. I’m awesome. Watch me throw this football.” With eye black advertising Bible passages, his well publicized chastity (anal doesn’t count, right?) and now a television ad that will be seen by the largest audience of the year carrying the bold proclamation that the world would have been robbed of his immensely important football playing if his mother had just taken the advise of her doctors and aborted him all those years ago, Tebow is clearly a man who likes to tell you what he believes and we here at Culture Blues would like to applaud him. We now know that as soon as we see his big dumb face on our TV on Sunday, we have 30 seconds during which nothing worthwhile is going to happen. That doesn’t happen often during the 4 hour marathon telecast. Thank you, Tim.

Jeremiah White, Jeff Hart and Giovanny Caquias contributed to this Countdown.

By the time the new millennium began, HBO had already revolutionized television. With offerings like The Sopranos and Oz, the premium cable channel proved that prestige programming could not only become appointment television but flourish in the DVD market as well. Other cable networks got into the game with compelling dramas and subversive comedies that broke the episodic mold favored by the big networks. Apparently, those big networks were the last to hear that their medium had been revolutionized as, to this day, they struggle to find content that can succeed. In short, the last decade was a renaissance for television, with a plethora of quality shows just begging you to waste an afternoon running through their DVDs.

Rather than create a comprehensive list of the best shows of the decade, we at Culture Blues asked our couch potato contributors to highlight their favorite single seasons of television. We applied only one rule: that no show could appear twice on our countdown. Below are the results.

Our panel:  Jeff Hart, Jeremiah White, Bill Magee, Cheese, and Jason Arican

Warning, there may be spoilers below.

(25) Scrubs - Season 1

It’s hard to remember now, but when Scrubs premiered, it was a fresh, funny and poignant examination of the grueling, nerve-racking initiation into the medical profession. Resisting the slacker milieu that writers find it all too easy to wallow in, Scrubs gave us passionate, driven, neurotic protagonists facing the harsh realities of the health care industry, balanced with offbeat humor, wacky pop culture references and a great deal of heart. We were also introduced to Dr. Cox and Dr. Kelso (my personal favorite), two wonderful creations by two terrific actors (John C. McGinley and Ken Jenkins respectively). Before they became tired self parodies (especially Cox), they were both intimidating, sharp-tongued and funny as hell. And the best scene in Season 1? The last one. Memorable and loaded with palpable tension, a whole season’s worth of dirty laundry is aired out as the characters all turn their backs on each other. It was a high watermark for the series. (Jeremiah)

(24) Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - The First Half of Season 1

Inevitably, Aaron Sorkin’s Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip will be remembered as a star-studded flop, a footnote in the Wikipedia entry for Tina Fey’s 30 Rock. But, before it succumbed to Sorkin’s heavy-handed and frankly out-of-place politics, and its stunning inability to actually be funny, those first six or so episodes of Studio 60 were pretty damn good. Fast-paced, cleverly written, and carried by the undeniable chemistry between co-leads Bradley Whitford and Chandler Bing, the show flourished when dealing with the new producers’ attempts to overcome backstage politics and resurrect a struggling sketch comedy show. Remember Studio 60 for those compelling early moments and not for the Sorkian hubris that would characterize the end of its shortened run. In the end, Studio 60 probably could have succeeded with less kidnapped soldiers and more werewolf bar mitzvah. (Jeff)

(23) South Park - Season 5

No show vacillates between brilliant and terrible as often or as rapidly as South Park. Every season seems to feature classic episodes and ones that are a struggle to get through (even though they usually produce a few genuine laughs). Overall, Matt Parker and Trey Stone’s foul mouthed friends had a great decade, but one season stands out to me. Season 5 introduced us to a stoner towel and Kyle’s uber-Jewish cousin. It ends with Kenny’s first real death and then an extremely dark and hilarious episode dedicated to Butters Stotch. “Scott Tenorman Must Die” sees Cartman at his maniacal best as he attempts to get revenge on an older boy and “Cripple Fight” blesses us with a shot by shot recreation of the famous fight from They Live, but with disabled kids. And the season kicks off with “It Hits the Fan.” This remarkable episode mocks the outrage over swear words, eviscerates network TV executives and their attempts to be edgy, and manages to say “shit” 162 times on a regular cable channel. It’s certainly not their funniest episode, but it’s one of the best examples of their ability to create intelligent, thought provoking TV in their own warped way. (Jeremiah)

(22) Doctor Who - Season 3

Russell T. Davies brought the latest incarnation of the Doctor Who serial back to the BBC in 2005. But it isn’t until 2007’s third season that the show really hits its stride.  Episodes like “The Family of Blood,” “Blink,” “Utopia” and “The Sound of the Drums” are all classics and are what real science fiction writing is all about. Science fiction should make you scared, curious and amazed all at the same time, and the third season of Doctor Who nails that. Unfortunately the great David Tennant is ending his run as the ninth Doctor on New Year’s Day. With a new Doctor set to take over I can only hope he will do half as good a job in the new decade as Tennant did in the last. (Cheese)

(21) Angel - Season 5

By 2003, Buffy the Vampire Slayer was off the air and its ratings-poor spinoff Angel was in its death throes. Angel, named for its pre-Edward brooding vampire with a soul hero, will never be what people gravitate to when they go over Joss Whedon’s impressive resume, but its fifth and final season was actually pretty awesome. Maybe it was the sentimental quality – one last run for the so-called Buffyverse (I cringe calling it that), a pair of TV shows that gave us 12 seasons and 254 episodes of varying quality. Maybe it was the fact that Angel, while never forsaking the trademark Whedon charm and snark, was darker and more violent than Buffy, and capable of some truly badass fight sequences. Maybe it was the pair of chill-moment level death scenes that slapped a tragic exclamation point on the series finale. Or, most likely, it was that episode where Angel gets turned into a puppet. Worth watching 254 episodes of Buffy and Angel to truly appreciate? Probably not. Worth noting on this list? Absolutely. (Jeff)

(20) The IT Crowd - Season 2

The IT Crowd hails from Great Britain and is one of the funniest shows on television.  I doubt very many of you have even heard of this show let alone seen it. The IT Crowd centers on three coworkers in the information technology department of a fictional mega corporation, and is about pretty much anything but computers. You do not have to be a fan of British humor to enjoy this show. Of three seasons so far (all of them short six episode Brit seasons), the strongest is probably season two. It includes a tremendous dinner party episode, an episode that paints cutting out of work for a smoke break with communist era paranoiac overtones, and the introduction of the hilarious Matt Berry. IFC TV will be running past episodes of this show starting January 27^th and you can also watch episodes streaming on Netflix. (Cheese)

(19) Survivor: Australian Outback

While I haven't seen all 19 seasons of Survivor (thank god!), I believe that its second season, The Australian Outback, is its best. There was all the drama you could eat. You had the villainous Jerri fabricating a story of seeing nice, not-too-bright guy Kel eating smuggled beef jerky (Jerkygate as it was called online), which got him voted off early.  You had dumbass vegetarian Kimmi refusing to eat bugs and then getting her panties in a twist about some chickens her tribe had been rewarded, leading to a delightful argument with the fierce Alicia which climaxed with "I'm sick of you and the fucking chickens!" (I think I climaxed as well).  And then there was the rise of Elisabeth Filarski (now Elisabeth Hasselbeck) who seemed like a perfectly delightful person at the time.  Survivor is certainly low-brow, and most likely represents the decline of our culture as whole, but in this case you have to give credit where credit is due. (Bill)

(18) Joe Schmo - Season 1

I’m too good for reality TV and I’m not afraid to say it. But The Joe Schmo Show isn’t reality TV. It’s a work of art. Surrounding one doe-eyed young man with actors in a fake competition show where the main attraction is more psychological experiment than TV show, Joe Schmo raised questions about just what a reality show is and operated on numerous layers (the show within a show, the actors serving as a separate set of characters, etc.). Joe Schmo is cruel, manipulative in the worst way and probably responsible for much of the pain and disappointment that the “schmo” Matt Kennedy Gould has suffered since, but it is also the most riveting, well constructed and self aware show that the pathetic reality genre will ever produce. (Jeremiah)

(17) Carnivale - Season 2

Despite being well-acted and visually stunning, the first season of Carnivale can still feel like a bit of a slog. The show’s mythos is dense at best and nonsensical at worst, and the uneven pacing of the first season may turn some inpatient viewers off. Luckily, things begin to pay off in the show’s second and final season, as chosen one Ben Hawkins (Nick Stahl) hurdled toward his inevitable confrontation with evil incarnate Brother Justin Crow (played with terrifying glee by the great Clancy Brown). The plot begins to unravel rapidly in the second season, driven in part by the introduction of escaped mental patient/hitman for the devil Varlon Stroud, and by a renewed energy in series protagonist Hawkins who, up until this point, had been a sympathetic but laconic lead. The payoffs are worth the wait – specifically the “something’s gonna happen here!” scene on the Lincoln Highway (one of my favorites of all time) and the breakneck season finale that wraps up many stories while setting the stage for a third season that, unfortunately would never come. It seems that while loyal viewers were eventually rewarded, HBO was not; the network cancelled the apocalyptic period piece as it continued hemorrhaging money. (Jeff)

(16) The View - Season 10

The View's tenth season might just be the greatest daytime TV of all time.  Somewhat on a whim, Barbara Walters asked Rosie O'Donnell to join the panel, and somewhat on a whim, Rosie agreed.  Bringing on a former star of a much more successful daytime talk show with a monstrous ego made for spectacular television.  In the beginning, Rosie did her best to blend in, even hanging out with neo-con Elisabeth Hasselbeck off-camera.  Things started getting juicy when Rosie deemed Kelly Ripa's remark "I don't know where that hand's been, honey!" to Clay Aiken homophobic, prompting Ripa to call-in and attempt to rip Ro a new one.  Mix that in with the Donald Trump fight (which sparked a real-life fight between Rosie and Barbara) and Rosie's somewhat "out there" views on 9/11 and mainstream media (often dissing ABC itself), and you have yourself some entertainment.  Rosie's tenure ended with an all-out civil war that she is still blogging about. It was never meant to last, but god, was it good. (Bill)

(15) The Real World: Hollywood

Someone once told me “Either you’re laughing or you’re crying, man. There are a lot of things in this world that you can cry about. Sometimes you have to just laugh.” I applied this logic to Real World: Hollywood. On one hand, it’s pretty sad. There is an alcoholic who has a major meltdown and leaves the show to check into rehab. There is a stripper who wants to become a singer, but has a shaky voice because she won’t stop smoking. We hear Joey tearfully read his goodbye letter to drugs and alcohol and watch as Briana goes home for a court appearance (she beat up her boyfriend). These are real people and real moments, but all you can do is laugh. Of course you still get the genuinely funny stuff: a guy who calls people “peasants,” a girl who tells a roommate that he looks like Charles Barkley because, apparently, all black people look alike to her, and oh yeah there was that foursome. The formula was the same: hot people and booze. But somehow Real World: Hollywood stumbled upon great television amidst the crap we’ve been fed lately. (Jason)

(14) Adult Swim 2004-05

Early in the decade, when Adult Swim quietly debuted in the late night slot on The Cartoon Network, stumbling across it was akin to discovering one of those fancy super-hip bars without the signs. Except this bar was filled with weird, subversive, confrontational cartoons (and also anime, if you’re into that). Adult Swim brought a slew of batshit insane post-modern creators into speakeasy-like circulation, and the world is a better place for it. No “season” of Adult Swim was ever as strong as it’s 2004-05 offering, a class that included Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Sealab 2021, Harvey Birdman Attorney-at-Law, The Boondocks, and the first season of Adult Swim’s first (and only) truly mainstream hit Robot Chicken. Was there ever a better reason to stay up until midnight on a Sunday? (Jeff)

(13) Stella

I get jazzed by TV seasons that tell one complete, cohesive story. But this is the complete opposite of that. Each episode of Stella is an absurdist exercise in cramming a whole lot of nonsense into 22 minutes. In any given episode, roommates Michael Ian Black, Michael Showalter and David Wain might start a farm on the floor of their apartment, jointly write a novel and have it stolen by Janeane Garofalo (in a completely tolerable performance) or get married and have kids. Perhaps nothing embodies Stella’s simple, surrealist humor better than the fact that they never take off their suits. Ever. The humor in Stella often amounts to these three geniuses talking in ridiculous accents, bickering like children or generally acting like imbeciles, but when you’re not looking, they parody topics as diverse as workplace politics and entrepreneurship. (Jeremiah)

(12) Mad Men - Season 3

Matthew Weiner’s Mad Men, a slow burning, well-acted drama about 1950s era advertising executives is justifiably a critical darling. But, ignoring the nuanced performances and subtle writing, what really makes Mad Men great is the unflinching period realism. You want to see women drinking alcohol and smoking while pregnant? You got it.  You want to see what life was like before the draconian laws of no drinking and smoking in the workplace? Watch an episode.  You want to look back at a better time where women were completely subservient? Appointment television, baby. While all seasons are strong, Mad Men is at its best during season 3 where Cooper Sterling is being sold to an English company, with the Kennedy assassination lurking on the horizon. (Cheese)

(11) True Blood - Season 1

Six Feet Under creator Alan Ball developed True Blood for HBO based on the popular Sookie Stackhouse novels by Charlaine Harris. Ball and company succeeded in making vampires cool again, but the show is so much more than that. Give me an adjective and True Blood has it in spades; funny, sexy, hot, campy, scary, mysterious. The ensemble cast does a tremendous job of bringing Alan Ball’s vision to life. This show is one of only two reasons left to keep that HBO subscription. (Cheese)

(10) The Comeback

HBO's The Comeback is one of the most criminally overlooked series in the history of television. Canceled after one 13-episode season, it told the story of Valerie Cherish (Lisa Kudrow), a B-list sitcom star from the early 90s trying to reclaim her place on television. Of course, she is doing this on a reality show. The show is comprised of the "raw footage." Valerie is perpetually humiliated. She is cast as the star of a show about "sexy singles," but the network re-tools it in development, centering it around college kids, and she is re-cast as the frumpy "Aunt Sassy" who lives upstairs. The moments are raw, painful and hilarious (including the only airplane turbulence humor I've ever seen), and Kudrow's performance is fearless and awe-inspiring. Do yourself a favor and rent it today. (Bill)

(9) Battlestar Galactica - Season 2

Season Two is Battlestar Galactica at its best.  It opens with many of the characters relocated (Laura Roslin in the brig, Starbuck on Caprica, and Baltar facing death on Kobol, for example) and facing new challenges, and many of their best, darkest scenes are in this story arc.  These episodes are followed by the "Pegasus" saga, where another Battlestar commanded by the royal c-word Admiral Cain (played to perfection by Michelle Forbes of Star Trek: TNG and Homicide) shows up and starts really fucking everything up. These episodes really could be the best of the whole series. Baltar's scenes with the abused Number Six in Pegasus' brig are shockingly moving for a sci-fi show with a stupid title. The season is not without its lowlights (Roslin's cancer going away through a stupid sci-fi plot device and a series of clunky standalone episodes), but for the most part it's an example of how great TV can be. (Bill)

(8) 30 Rock - Season 1

All four seasons of 30 Rock have been fairly consistent and I could probably make a strong case for any of them to be on the list. Season 1 is special because the show has strength in the characters, and this is our first glimpse into their world. We are introduced to Liz Lemon as she buys out a hot dog vendor in spite. Tracy Morgan’s first line is “I am a Jedi.” Alec Baldwin gets to play Alec Baldwin. Really, each actor seems to be playing an extension of themselves. You get the impression that Judah Friedlander owns every hat he wears on the show, Jack McBrayer couldn’t possibly be channeling all that weird stuff out of thin air, and Katrina Bowden is definitely that hot. Every cast member seems perfectly suited to their role. I even believe that Dean Winters sells beepers for a living. (Jason)

(7) Deadwood - Season 2

In the season 2 premier of David Milch’s Deadwood, Al Swearengen and Seth Bullock, the show’s two main characters (and diametrically opposed metaphors for the future of the west), nearly beat each other to death. Having gained the upper hand, Swearengen only relents when he notices Bullock’s newly arrived wife and son looking on. He greets them: Welcome to fucking Deadwood! It’s totally badass and the intensity level only rises from there. The second season of HBO’s Deadwood rides in on the momentum of the first and succeeds in amping up both the frontier political intrigue and the hyper literate cursing. Memorable moments from this sophomore season include the worst case of kidney stones ever, a brilliant performance by Garret Dillahunt as the sociopathic geologist Francis Wolcott, and the emergence of George Hearst whose rich douchebag villainy will later carry the show’s final season. Unrepentantly crass and yet at times indecipherably intellectual, Deadwood is built on the strength of its performances (notably Ian McShane, Timothy Olyphant, and Powers Boothe), well-developed characters, and the simmering threat of violence – all of which immaculately peak in the tumultuous second season. (Jeff)

(6) Curb Your Enthusiasm - Season 7

Here is the other reason to keep your HBO. Seinfeld co-creator Larry David brought back the original cast of the classic sitcom just this past season for a sort of meta reunion.  But leave it to Larry David to make sure that these stars do not overshadow his own plentiful neurosis. Curb is relatively unscripted which means the reunited cast had plenty of room to play off each other and recapture some of that Seinfeld chemistry. This past season gave us especially awkward episodes revolving around the mentally disabled, the slaughter of swans with golf clubs, and of course, the aforementioned reunion. Remarkably, the Seinfeld reunion never overshadows the flat out awesomeness of Curb, but only serves to remind us how brilliant Larry David is. (Cheese)

(5) Lost - Season 3

Lost is without question the best show on network TV.  The groundbreaking show rewards devoted viewers and I’d never recommend just jumping in, but if one season needs to be singled out, then that would be season three. Lost’s third season starts with our main characters locked up in polar bear cages and ends with a shocking twist that would change the very structure of the show. Season three also features one of the greatest death scenes ever, and is basically the coming out party for series villain (or hero?) Ben Linus. Lost is constantly changing the game, keeping its viewers guessing. I don’t care where it’s going; I just want to be along for the ride. We have to go back, Kate! We have to go back! (Cheese)

(4) Chappelle's Show - Season 2

Ashy Larry, dirty diapers, Lil’ Jon, NASCAR, Arsenio Hall at a wine and cheese party, Black Bush, Dave the juror, When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong (I don’t like people playing on my phone), I Know Black People, Wayne Brady – oh sorry. I was just thinking out loud about the second season of Chappelle’s Show. With this landmark show, Dave Chappelle changed sketch comedy forever simply by raising the bar. Every week his show offered biting social commentary, numerous laugh-out-loud moments and an astounding scarcity of duds, in a relatively traditional sketch format. Both seasons are nearly perfect, but while the single greatest episode of sketch comedy ever is in the first (the Dave Chappelle by Dave Chappelle/Mad Real World double shot) the second made Dave a phenomenon. With indelible characters, quotes that pervaded the zeitgeist and exciting musical performances, Chappelle’s Show was a legitimate, once in a lifetime event. (Jeremiah)

(3) The Shield - Season 5

If not being able to take your eyes off the screen, feeling like you have an ulcer and staring at the ceiling for 5 minutes after every episode wondering just what in the hell is going to happen next doesn’t sound like a pleasurable TV viewing experience to you, then maybe you shouldn’t watch The Shield. For me, it was heaven, and I wish I could do it all over again. Shawn Ryan’s tragic dirty cop drama grabbed headlines for its graphic and vulgar nature, even though it’s an extremely intelligent show that very rarely put shock value above quality (nobody’s perfect). The show masterfully balanced standalone stories with ones that lasted for a full season or, in some cases, the entire series. In Season 5, the Strike Team runs up against Internal Affairs officer Jon Kavanaugh, played by Forest Whitaker (in perhaps the greatest single season acting performance in the history of TV). Kavanaugh is smart, manipulative and ruthless, just like his nemesis Vic Mackey (Michael Chiklis), and their conflict is undeniably arresting television. The Shield’s best season ratchets the intensity and anxiety up to nearly unbearable levels and lights the fuse on the storylines that will carry us through to the sublime series final. (Jeremiah)

(2) Arrested Development - Season 1

At this point, Arrested Development is so widely recognized as a cult favorite that it’s now useless as a barometer of someone’s hipness. Fortunately, that doesn’t make it any less great. The cast is phenomenal. It was surprisingly touching before that was the norm in TV comedy. The writing was so sophisticated that jokes referencing previous episodes or seasons seemed as if they must have been planned from the beginning. And the show had a subversive streak as it overtly commented on and then abided by or contradicted TV conventions, worked in St. Elsewhere style intertextuality, and lashed out at the competition and the television industry as a whole. The show was never sharper than in its first season, which gave us some of the best episodes (Top Banana, Bringing Up Buster, Pier Pressure, Public Relations), Jeffrey Tambor’s best storyline, and Gobias Coffee. Not only was this one of the best seasons of the decade, Arrested Development was the best TV comedy of the decade. (Jeremiah)

(1) The Wire - Season 4

In a decade defined by a new standard of quality television, nothing epitomized the prestige programming renaissance better than David Simon’s brilliant The Wire. At this point, any plaudits I could lump upon The Wire would be both redundant and insufficient. Simply put, it is without a doubt the greatest television show to ever grace the air waves. Immaculately crafted, constantly engaging – The Wire is Shakespeare for television. It should be approached as literature. All of The Wire’s five seasons would have made this list, but the show’s finest episodes come in its fourth season when David Simon turns the show’s focus on the Baltimore school system. While previous seasons revolved around the Baltimore drug trade, political system, and struggling blue collar dock workers, the school angle would be The Wire’s most emotionally affecting, and damning, examination of life in the inner city. In season four, we are plunged into the lives of a tightly knit group of high schoolers, all deeply impacted by the intricate and ultimately inescapable ghetto dynamics Simon has spent three seasons setting up. The four kids are wonderful, all rare examples of young actors with legitimate chops, and their interplay becomes the lynchpin of the season. You will become emotionally invested in their stories. All that’s not to say that other characters we’ve come to know in seasons past take a backseat to the students. Favorites like Bubbles, McNulty, and Carver have plenty of their own tragic shit going on. The ultimate fate of our high schoolers (which won’t be fully realized until Season 5) is among the most emotionally impacting television I’ve ever seen. And, in closing, I’d just like to mention Snoop. She really comes into her own during that fourth season. Ya heard? (Jeff)