News

Om, nom, nom.

I can't believe you all are still talking about this: The music world is still buzzing quite loudly after Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards, and I am sure that the former taste-making network could not possibly be happier. Whether it’s Gaga still getting WAY too much shit for her meat ensemble, Will.I.AM confusing a lot of people with his blackface, or of course, Kanye, it seems that the proletariat is still consumed by the pageantry. Personally, I would be happy to never hear about this event again, but I understand that the average person simply needs to know who hooked up with who at what after-party, and is still trying to figure out whether or not Chelsea was funny (she wasn’t). This VMA hangover has made the music news this week pretty meager; outside of a few minor announcements and press releases, there really hasn’t been anything all that juicy this week (I refuse to write about the Situation on Dancing With The Stars). Hell, even Billboard.com had the audacity to post a Youtube video of Snooki lip-syncing a Britney Spears song (Sometimes) in their NEWS section. Of course, this is exactly what the demonic overlords of MTV want; not only has this somehow become one of the most talked about VMAs in quite some time, but it also managed to score its highest ratings since 2002 (when pop was still king), up 27% from last year, and 33% in the coveted 12-34 demographic.

This picture can't even dream of capturing the awesome.

Can't Stop, Won't Stop: Amidst the grumblings and gripes of numerous old and affluent Yankees fans, Jay-Z and Eminem took the stage this week at The Stadium and, according to all reports, delivered two shows for the ages. While I was watching my anemic Jets give new definition to the word "futility" on Monday night, and making my eyes hurt from Halo: Reach on Tuesday night, Jay and Em were awing fans with set lists full of hits and a bevy of guest stars, such as Dr. Dre, 50 Cent, G-Unit, Kanye, Drake, Nicki Minaj, Swizz Beatz, Memphis Bleak, and Gwyneth Paltrow’s husband. By all accounts these two nights were complete and utter love-ins, with hometown crowds showering their hero with adulation and adoration, while being reduced to tears by the majesty they beheld. Jealousy is anyone who wasn’t there. Mr. Carter also made news in a completely different way this week, as word came out that he was interested in buying a controlling share in the seminal English Premier League soccer club Arsenal. This is major financial news for the man that Forbes already lists as the highest grossing rapper ever to live (that Master P shit is totally murky) and goes to show you that one truly never does stop the hustle.

Gaga's newest BFF.

She is like Bono for the Gays: After making her statement about “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” on this year's VMA White Carpet, Lady Gaga brought the issue up again in an interview with Ellen DeGeneres that aired Monday. Gaga urged her fans to contact Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (who is currently spearheading the initiative to repeal the policy) and ask him to set a vote in motion. What followed is a perfect example of how technology has literally shrunk the entire world, as the Nevada senator then contacted Gaga on twitter, dropping this statement: "There is a vote on [Don't Ask, Don't Tell] next week. Anyone qualified to serve this country should be allowed to do so." He then added “BTW mad propz on 8 moon-men ho!!! #DIDNTSEETHATONECOMING” Okay maybe I made up that last quote, but you get the picture. Gaga of course replied to the senator with sincere gratitude, saying "God Bless and Thank you @HarryReid, from all of us, like u, who believe in equality and the dream of this country. We were #BORNTHISWAY," Do you like the way she hashtagged her upcoming album name? That Gaga is one savvy lobbyist. Senator Reid ended the tweet-fest with this gem: "It's the right thing to do. Come back to Vegas soon!" The Senator later said, via his website, that the vote had been planned for quite some time now, but that is a buzzkill that ruins this story for me. So in my mind it was Gaga’s doing, and I am now waiting for the day that some awesome musician gets the New York State Legislature to let me smoke in a bar again.

State of the industry: Do you know who Sara Bareilles is? Well, she has the #1 album in the Billboard Top 200 and, sadly, I am pretty sure your girlfriend, mom, and sister don’t even listen to her. This past week was one of the most pathetic ever for record sales in this country. In fact, last week marked the lowest number of units sold in a seven day span since SoundScan began keeping track of these numbers back in 1991. Last week puts 2010 well ahead of pace to be the single worst year for the music industry as far as album sales are concerned, especially when you consider the previous worst seven day period of sales was in August. Things should pick up a bit next week as hotly anticipated releases from Linkin Park (more on that disaster shortly), Trey Songz, and Weezer should all show up in the charts. Also, on a somewhat related VMA note, Florence and The Machine’s Lungs vaulted up 56 spots in the charts after her riveting performance at this year's award show.

Reviews

Linkin Park - A Thousand Suns

Linkin Park’s newest studio album A Thousand Suns is a fucking heinous exercise in record making. This awful LP begins with a lame attempt at setting atmosphere with the sci-fi/horror movie intro track (The Requiem), which pulses and blips its way through my speakers and fails to impress me. After another ambient track, the first “real” song on the record is Burning In The Skies, which is basically a cheesey Euro-Club jam with some predictable distorted octaves being  played as a "solo" by one of the worst guitarists in modern music (Brad Delson). After some tedious linking tracks (more "atmosphere”), we are treated to When They Come For Me, a track that attempts to mesh Trent Reznor’s sonic palette with some tribal drum beats and embarrassing rapping; you can already hear the fail in your mind’s ear. Some moments are worse than others of course. For example, Blackout is unbelievably and undeniably bad (we get it, you guys learned some new studio trickery; don’t assault us with it), while Wretches & Kings is built on a semi-interesting sample which is destroyed the second that the vocals come into the mix, and the record ends (shockingly) with an acoustic track meant to showcase Chester’s patented growl and bleeding heart, but which comes off as contrived and awkward. I think that I have pretty much made it clear that this record is almost unforgivably bad, and not worth your time or the bandwidth that this review takes up. Yet, some critics have found plenty to praise. James Montgomery of MTV had the gall to compare this record to Kid A at length. KID FUCKING A! Give me a goddamn break, just cause this album has synthesizers and guitars does not make it Radiohead. Even worse than Montgomery has to be Jordy Kasko of Review Rinse Repeat, who not only gave this album a perfect rating, he also called it epic and namedropped a bunch of other seminal albums as well. These opinions are more disappointing than this record is. Aesthetic similarities to some great albums aside, A Thousand Suns doesn't warrant meticulous dissection or classic album level ratings.

Les Savy Fav - Root For Ruin

It is pretty safe to say that Les Savy Fav’s newest LP, Roots For Ruin, is going to be a confusing and frustrating record for their fans. Any time that a band drops an album that can be considered a departure from their “sound,” they run the risk of alienating and irritating their most loyal of listeners. While Roots For Ruin isn’t as obvious a transformation as, say, Adore was for the Smashing Pumpkins, it is still pretty jarring. The part of this metamorphosis that makes reviewing the record tricky is that, on its own merits, it’s not that bad. Some of the songs that can be classified as “different” (Sleepless In Silverlake, Let’s Get Out Of Here, Lips N’ Stuff) would be decent tunes for any other band, and will probably receive a fair amount of praise from critics and listeners alike. There are also some tracks that are pretty killer; Appetites (the opener) is pretty true to its LSF roots, Poltergeist is a great dark and murky lurker, and Energy Exercises could be one of the band’s top ten songs of all time. In the end, I would have to say that you should definitely give it a test drive before you take it home. Use the links provided wisely.

The Walkmen - Lisbon

I am glad that I reviewed this record the same week I reviewed Linkin Park as I desperately needed an aural reprieve. Most of you are familiar with The Walkmen because of the pure awesome of The Rat, their hit single off of their fantastic second studio album Bows + Arrows. Well, three records later they are still out there and, although they are not quite in the same form, they are still pretty darn good. I have read somewhere that the New York based quintet recorded nearly thirty tracks before settling on the eleven that finally made it onto Lisbon, and that kind of painstaking creative process apparently paid off quite nicely. Lisbon is a couple of songs short of a classic and that is about the only fault I see. The album starts with the exact opposite vibe of their last record (You & Me) and that kind of bouncy jangle is a welcome change. From the moment I heard the reverb-heavy treble of Juveniles, I felt a smile creeping onto my face, and it stayed there for a while, especially during the tremendous second track, Angela Surf City. This album has so much going for it: New Orleans brass (Stranded), a little bit of The Shadows (Blue As Your Blood), near asymmetrical artiness (Victory), and clever lyrics (While I Shovel The Snow). If only buying a copy of Lisbon could in turn destroy a copy of A Thousand Suns...

16th Notes

Those sunglasses cost more than your soul

In one of the week's most peculiar news stories, 50 Cent announced that he was a fan of the bone-in-the-Sahara-dry British soap opera Eastenders, sparking rumors that he was going to appear on the long-running show. Unfortunately for those of you looking forward to this most incongruous of mash-ups, a spokesperson for the show has already released a statement that, in essence, murdered your dream... In a move that nearly made me believe in God, John Mayer decided to leave Twitter this week, breaking the hearts of his 3.7 million followers. Now we won’t be able to read incredibly deep gems like: “Lady Gaga has a cool song, because it somehow sonically captures a smell”... Coldplay announced that due to the amount of work still left on their record, they will not be able to release it in 2010. Holy shit!!! There totally is a God!... According to numerous sources, Fox is reportedly going to pay J-Lo 12 million dollars to be a judge on the upcoming season of American Idol. To be fair, costs are indeed down for the show now that they no longer have to pay Simon Cowell’s salary, and they will be paying Steven Tyler in opium and scarves... Lady Gaga has just signed a deal to have her own perfume developed. PETA will be most upset when they realize the main ingredient is Unicorn tears...

Top Ten List

Since fall will be upon us soon, and any day now the leaves will change, I decided to make a top ten list of songs about fall, and its corresponding months.

Track of the Week

Helicopter - Deerhunter: This week’s track is from the hotly anticipated upcoming Deerhunter release, it looks like things are shaping up quite nicely for the Atlanta based quintet.

God, I hate him.

Nevertheless... Mr. Mayer is back with a new record all about how hard it is to be him (gimme a fucking break). Battle Studies is Mayer's fourth studio triviality and it is chock full of lamentations about how he can get stoned and sleep with random groupies if he wants, but he is really alone in his fancy Japanese hotel room. Oh, and he wants us to stop fighting wars (he is a humanitarian after all). Each track is a trip to the deepest reaches of his shallowness, accompanied by some of the most teflon-slick production this side of a Black Eyed Peas record. With the albums initial offering (HeartBreak Warfare) the sonic stage is set immediately. The drums are bone dry, the U2-esque delay-drenched-leads flicker in and out of existence, and you start zoning out once you hear his voice. In later tracks, he breaks out the occasional acoustic (complete with cliche pianos, and wurlitzers), dazzles us with horrendous sounding string samples, makes us laugh at infant weak distortion, and pretty much lulls us to sleep.

There are no real surprises on this record; there is nothing on it that is dramatically egregious, and most of it is as vanilla as you would expect. Battle Studies is a safe, jejune, bore; even his attempt at the Robert Johnson uber-classic (Crossroads) fails to show a reason why it was worth recording. This record is a complete and utter waste of time (his and ours). It will no doubt go platinum, he will date someone awesome, continue to defile seminal blues tracks, and show up on every TV show that will let him on the soundstage. This is the problem with John Mayer, which is why I propose a boycott... Not just of his music, but of even mentioning his name... Maybe if we ignore _________, he will just go away.