Culture Blues

Clef Notes: The Grammys Won’t Stop Edition

Every Friday, or at least until his spectacular rock star flameout, Giovanny will be dropping a week’s worth of music knowledge on you with Clef Notes, proof positive that he’s a one man music magazine.

News:

Blah, blah, blah: As 2011 comes to an end and the music industry prepares to celebrate the holiday season, the fat cats and dinosaurs which oversee the worst aspects of the “biz” have one last article of business to attend to; handing out some meaningless nominations for an unimportant award. That’s right file-sharers, the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences has once again decided to both put artists up for Grammys and piss off Kanye West! (I bet you’re not so happy I’m back now, huh?)

The myopic eyes of the mainstream music world were all fixed on Southern California Wednesday night, as Van Halen was supposed to perform (more on that later), and names were to be drawn out of a hat (or entrails read- who really cares how these decisions are made?). Since this non-event transpired an obscenely boring three hour ceremony can be held next February, and Lady Gaga can wear some absurd outfits while in attendance. This year’s nominations managed to stir up some controversy before they were even revealed, largely  due to the fact that the Academy decided to shorten 2012’s list of awards from 100 to 78, and in doing so, they cut many Latin music awards (there are protests planned and, surprisingly, my girlfriend won't be organizing them).

Hip-hop’s most modest and humble emcee, Kanye West, leads the pack this year with seven nominations; a decent number but, AMAZINGLY, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is somehow not up for Album Of The Year. I can only imagine the Faberge egg-destroying, silk scarf-incinerating, phantasmapotomus-slaying tirade that West went on when he discovered the absurdly egregious snub:

“You ain’t got no Yeezy up for Album Of The Year?!?” West shouts, throwing a life-sized solid-gold statue of himself through a three-story oil painting depicting a dragon having sex...with Kanye West.

“What the fuck does a dude have to do to get some respect from white people, hanh?!?” West shouts to the sky, falling to his knees inside his personal fashion temple, which has been carved out of the worlds largest pearl.

I know what some of you are thinking: I must really enjoy fantasizing about Kanye West. You’re right, I do. Moving on...

Other artists who have netted themselves a bunch of nominations for gold-plated gramophones include Adele (duh), Bruno Mars, and the Foo Fighters, who each received six, Lil Wayne and Skrillex, each with five noms, and a slew of performers with four including Bon Iver, and some dudes from Oxford called Radiohead (who will definitely not be attending). As for Album Of The Year, the nominations went to Adele (21), Foo Fighters (Wasting Light), Lady Gaga (Born This Way), Bruno Mars (Doo-Wop & Hooligans), and Rihanna (Loud), though we all know that this category is the least contested, and that the award already has Adele’s name engraved on it.

The 54th annual Grammy Awards will take place on February 12th and will air on CBS, but before I move on to another news piece that is bound to be more interesting than the Grammys, I would like to discuss the whole Van Halen thing. Back in November I wrote a 16th Notes blurb about how the Grammys posted one of the world’s least subtle tweets hinting that a newly reunited Van Halen would be playing the Grammy nominations ceremony. Well, the ceremony came and went, and there was no Van Halen. Wha’ happened? Here's what Grammy officials told Reuters: "In the world of creativity, everything is fluid ... there was the expectation that the artist was involved and we would be ready to announce, but the artist was not quite ready”. Okay, Van Halen flaked, I can see that. After all, we know that Eddie has not been in the best of health lately, and any project involving David Lee Roth has an inherent “fuck up” possibility. My problem with the Academy in this circumstance is how they tried to make it seem like the band that was scheduled to play was not necessarily Van Halen... Just to be clear, the tweet back in November read: "Who do u predict the reuniting band will be @ #GRAMMYnoms? Does this hint make u wanna 'Jump' & 'Dance the Night Away'?" If that tweet was not alluding to Van Halen then I will never listen to music again!

I bet we won't remember her name in a year: Insomniac fans of Jimmy Fallon were surely watching live when Michelle Bachmann appeared on Late Night, and The Roots gave her the sonic business. I would say I envy you, but I was probably playing Modern Warfare so, meh. The Minnesota Congresswoman was doing the chat-show rounds, like most aspiring Presidential candidates (I tried not to laugh when I just wrote that), and as she was making her entrance on Fallon she was accompanied by music from the house band, as is the custom on such programs. Well, the politically savvy humorists that comprise The Roots decided to take a swipe at Mrs. Bachmann by playing Fishbone’s Lyin’ Ass Bitch as she walked onstage and, although Bachmann was unaware of the mockery during her appearance, there has been some fallout.

It should come as no surprise that conservative pundits such as Bill O’Reilly have condemned The Roots, NBC Universal, and Fallon, or that thousands of tea party lunatics have responded to the (admittedly) sexist song choice with deplorable racism, but I don’t respect the opinions of fringe hate-mongers, so let’s stick to the principals, shall we? Once someone told Bachmann what transpired she was quick to take offense, and castigate all of the parties involved in the Late Night program, calling the incident "inappropriate, outrageous and disrespectful," and going so far as to claim that NBC has a liberal bias with this statement: "This wouldn't be tolerated if this was Michelle Obama. It shouldn't be tolerated if it's a conservative woman either." I would like to point out that Michelle Obama is a highly educated (Princeton, Harvard), dignified woman, who also happens to also be First Lady. Michelle Bachmann, on the other hand, is... well, Michelle Bachmann. The two ladies hardly merit the same level of respect but, again, I can see the point she is making to the sexism aspect of the whole affair, because all women are worthy of obeisance.

In a recent interview with Pitchfork, Questlove told the website that considerable pressure has been placed on NBC to fire The Roots and that he, along with the rest of the band, felt bad about the song's depiction of women, stressing that it was the “lying” aspect of the song’s title which they were trying to italicize. As of this writing, NBC, The Roots, and Fallon have all apologized to Bachmann for the offense, and that should be enough for this whole thing to die down.

Reviews:

Talk That Talk is the third Rihanna record I have reviewed and, unfortunately, it’s the worst. When this album was first being circulated, the early opinions from media outlets were that this was going to be the raunchiest record since Madonna’s Erotica. Such hyperbole conjured up the notion that this was the sort of album I would have to listen to with a condom on my ear, but in the end, all of the hype was nothing more than exaggeration... [Full Review]

16th Notes:

The American Music Awards took place recently. You don’t care either? Great!... Two previously unheard Radiohead demos from the 1980s managed to surface this week. Don’t expect anything amazing from the tracks; they were cut before Jonny Greenwood joined the band, when they were still called On A Friday... Bruce Springsteen (who is busy prepping an album and E Street Band tour for 2012) has been announced as the keynote speaker at next year’s SXSW. In all honesty, I sort of doubt said news will be affecting your travel plans... All 12 of the PJ Harvey videos produced for Let England Shake will be released on a DVD, along with a solo performance of the multi-award winning album. It has been a while since this record dropped, and this DVD is the perfect way to reacquaint yourself with its splendor... Mastodon and Feist are not only splitting a 7” together for an upcoming Record Store Day promotion, they will reportedly even cover one of each others' songs. Allow me a second to ponder which of those covers I want to hear more (hums Jeopardy theme while looking away from computer screen for a moment)... I would have to say Mastodon covering Feist... Die Antwoord has announced some dates for a North American tour, as well as vague details of a partnership with a Japanese toy company to create some action figures based on the band. I am pretty sure that I would rather see them in concert than own one of those sure to be frightening toys... In his best attempt at a PJ Harvey impersonation, Bon Iver has released a video for every song on his latest record. Those of you who are interested (P.S. I’m not) can watch them here... Justice has announced a world tour. Do the D.A.N.C.E, 1234 Fight! Stick to the B.E.A.T, get ready to ignite... Recently Aphex Twin conducted a Polish 48-piece orchestra, and 24-person choir, via remote control. There is video of some of the performance here, you should watch it and be amazed by the genius of Mr. Richard D. James... M.I.A and Nicki Minaj have confirmed that they will both be appearing on Madonna’s upcoming new record. If I were either of those ladies, I would go to the doctor immediately to ensure Madonna didn’t steal any of my youth... Lana Del Rey has revealed the title of her soon to be released “debut” record, and it’s Born 2 Die. By the time you finish reading this sentence, approximately 50,000 new Lana Del Ray hate pieces will have been posted all around the Internet... Vinny Guadagnino, from The Jersey Shore, released a truly horrendous rap track this week. If you haven’t heard it yet, try this simulation: Close your eyes, shove something sharp in your ears till you start bleeding, and don’t bother calling an ambulance.

Top Ten List:

I tried very hard to find some sort of birth, anniversary, or other momentous event that happened on December 2nd in order to compile a sweet Top Ten list for this edition of Clef Notes, but December 2nd is apparently quite lacking. For a while I thought I was going to put together a Buddy Holly list, but the Crickets’ first television appearance did not seem to be worthwhile enough so, instead, I give you the Top Ten Britney Spears songs of all time, because it’s her birthday. I assure you, stretching this list to ten almost gave me an infarction.

10) Oops!... I Did It Again
9) Piece Of Me
8) If U Seek Amy
7) Gimme More
6) 3
5) Stronger
4) I’m A Slave 4 U
3) Till The World Ends
2) … Baby One More Time
1) Toxic

Tracks Of The Week:

Electric Chair - Bleached: Jessica and Jennifer Calvin are two sisters with a knack for delivering short blasts of rad. Their last band, Mika Mako, was an angular punk outfit which developed a solid following in Los Angeles. Their latest project, Bleached, sounds more like Best Coast than Mika Mako ever did, and if these sisters have more songs like the lethally catchy Electric Chair then Bleached may be poised for a great 2012.

Christmas Time Is Here - Woods (Vince Guaraldi Cover): Because we are now in December, and most of us in North America are being overwhelmed with an unrelenting yuletide barrage, I thought it would be appropriate to feature a Christmas song as a track of the week until Santa finishes his work. The first X-mas cut I will share with you is the Woods near sublime cover of Vince Guaraldi’s Christmas Time Is Here. Do yourself a favor and pump this through your headphones the next time you are fighting off the throngs at the mall; trust me, it will help.

Tagged as: 2012 Grammy Nominations, Album Review: Talk That Talk, jimmy fallon, Kanye West, Lana Del Ray, Michelle Bachmann, The Roots, Top Ten Britney Spear Songs Of All Time, Van Halen