Pop culture essays, criticism, fistfights

100 Bullets, 10 Badasses, 1 List

Boardwalk of Badasses

There are two primary reasons for the existence of this piece.  The first being that 100 Bullets, possibly my favorite comic book of all time, is now going to be a Showtime series.  The second being that with all the hoopla over the 90s Badass Tourney, the mood around the office has changed a bit.  Jeff and Jeremiah are chest bumping instead of high-fiving, and when Giovanny doesn’t like an album he doesn’t just write a bad review, he actually tracks down the band and brutally murders them.  For my part, I’m going to write about the top ten most badass characters in a comic that is overflowing with them.

If you have never read 100 Bullets you can probably just stop reading this now.  Instead you should drive to a store that sells graphic novels, and purchase some immediately.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE COMICS BELOW!

10. Remi Rome

If this was a list of the top ten most annoying characters in the series, Remi would be number one with a bullet (you see what I did there?).  He is the youngest of the Minutemen, and by far the most immature.  But nonetheless, dude is pretty money when it comes to killing people, and seems to prefer doing so from great heights.  In the end that’s how he killed himself as well.

9. Isabelle "Dizzy" Cordova

I never really got into the whole Dizzy storyline so much, but she makes the list just because most of the big players seem to think she’s really important.  She also goes toe to toe with Lono and manages to not get raped.  I think that’s a pretty big achievement.

8. Mr. Shepherd

I wish I could put ol’ Shep higher, as he might be my favorite character in the series.  However “badass” isn’t exactly the word I’d use to describe him.  By the end of issue #100 Agent Graves’ intentions become perfectly clear, however I don’t think the reader ever gets to fully grasp what Shepherd is up to and I liked that.  He effortlessly juggled several different agendas and managed to stay out of harms way for a long time.  Shepherd also loses points for being killed by a girl.

7. Augustus Medici

Augustus never really kills anyone, but being filthy rich can be pretty badass too.  I don’t even mean Donald Trump rich.  He’s “his butler has a butler” rich.  Augustus is the head of the Trust and delivers one of my favorite monologues of the series when he declares “I am the power company” and then nails a prostitute.  #fastlifebaby

6. Wylie Times

If you take most of the other characters’ word for it, Wylie was the most skilled of the Minutemen when it came to firearms.  That combined with the fact that he was the field leader when Graves wasn’t around scores him a lot of points.  But you know what loses him a lot of points?  Whining about how his old bosses made him kill his own girlfriend.  Dude get over it!  I’ve certainly done worse for Jeff and Jeremiah.

5. Milo Garret

What isn’t badass about a chain smoking private eye?  Milo doesn’t have a lot print time (that term is now trademarked) but is one of the most colorful characters in the series.  Also if you commit suicide by Lono’s fists, you are a fucking badass.

4. Victor Ray

I feel like Victor is a forgotten character for most people.  But there is definitely something unnerving about this guy.  Like Lono, he always seems to find the dark hilarity in a situation, but unlike his Hawaiian counterpart he doesn’t seem to take joy in anything.  He is one of the most professional of the Minutemen, and never seems to get rattled.  Whether he’s coaching Loop, or shooting innocent children in the face, dude’s mood never changes.  In perhaps his most impressive moment, he is chosen to intentionally botch an assassination attempt by barely missing Megan Dietrich’s heart with a gunshot.  So yeah, that’s kinda badass.

3. Jack Daw

His nickname is “The Monster” for several reasons.  One of those reasons is HE HAS A BASEMENT FULL OF DEAD PEOPLE!  Jack is the largest of the Minutemen, and not only does he enjoy bare knuckle boxing, but he also likes playing with tigers.  He would have been higher if he wouldn’t have gone all “hey I don’t like killing people anymore, I’m a Buddhist now” at the end.  But even so, it takes an even larger man (Crete) and an alligator to kill him.

2. Agent Graves

If the series had a main character, it would be Agent Graves.  He drives the action from the first issue to the last.  If you have any doubts about his badassness, find the panel where he steps outside of a bar and his mere presence is enough to make about 20 armed men suddenly leave.  His master plan, while incredibly convoluted, goes off without a hitch for the most part.  More than any other character in the series, if he wants you dead that’s probably how you are going to end up.

1. Lono

When I started this list, the only thing I knew for certain was the man that would fill this spot.  Lono, nicknamed “The Dog,” shares a name with the Hawaiian god for peace.  This is ironic in the sense that he really enjoys torturing people to death.  To call him a sadist would be like calling Hitler a meanie.  There are a lot of similarities between Lono and The Joker, as they both get off on just how shitty the world is, and they don’t mind keeping it that way.  After Shepherd’s death, he becomes the Trust’s new warlord and shows that he isn’t just a big dumb thug.  The story arc where he manipulates Anna Nagel into killing her own brother is a perfect example of this.  Also, if you needed anymore evidence, Lono gets shot about a hundred times during the hundred issues and seems to be one of the only characters to make it out alive.

So how did I do?  Let me know in the comments section.

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4 Responses »

  1. I think my top 10 would be something like this:

    1 - Lono
    2 - Wylie
    3 - Victor
    4 - Jack
    5 - Graves

    I can't really go any farther, that series is pretty blurry and there are a shit ton of badass dudes in suits so a few years out from reading it they start to bleed together into one super badass.

    Croatoa bitches, I'm out.

  2. Victor Ray was my favorite character... Loop never had the moment where he toughened up and stood up for himself and showed he belonged so I'm glad he was left off. I always liked that they showed that Shep was gay in a way that wasn't heavy handed..

  3. ...You left Cole Burns off the list. How is this possible?

  4. I have to agree that Lono is the most badass and the best character of the serie, but as Marc said... Where the %^*# is Cole Burns in your list? He's at least a top 5!

    Cheers