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The Twitter Report: Giving Advice

As previously discussed, narcissism is not only rampant on Twitter, it is essentially coded into the site's DNA. The prompt given to you when posting a tweet is "what's happening?"... as if people actually give a shit what is going on in your simple life. The thing is, most people get that no one cares. Celebrities... not so much. People who are fortunate enough to have experienced any level of fame tend to think that the world revolves around them. This of course is reinforced by Twitter's ability to quantify the number of people who "follow" you.

All of this is by no means a knock on the actual utility of Twitter. Having just reached its 5th birthday, the site has evolved well beyond the basic premise into a full blown communication tool and social network. But perceived influence and significance combined with a captive audience is a dangerous combination. Twilebs routinely take to their Twitter streams to dish out unqualified relationship advice and life coaching. Unqualified, nauseating and, at times, downright juvenile stuff. Here are some of the worst offenders of Twitter advice giving:

@tyrese


As a writer, I know that I am supposed to come up with witty and insightful statements about the topics that I write about. That is my job; that is why I am here… I get that. But COME ON, what more is there to say when Tyrese is up on Twitter spouting crap like this:

Bad plumbing? What?? GAH!!

Look - I like writing for Culture Blues. Jeremiah and Jeff have provided me with a wonderful creative outlet, finally given me a third wall for my cube, and have paid me at least one Frito pie. But if I get fired because I have no commentary on Tyrese's tweets, well then so be it.

That's a link to his upcoming book release, by the way.

Dammit. I like it here… fuck you, Tyrese, for possibly taking this all away from me.

@RevRunWisdom


I was ready to give Rev Run a pass because giving advice like this is part of his whole thing (duh! It's even part of his handle). And it's almost endearing in a way. And, frankly, compared to the rest of these idiots it is at least somewhat intelligent.

Just kidding!

Although Rev Run does get style points for his use of mnemonic devices.

Easy enough, right? When the shit hits the fan, all you have to do is to remember to PUSH. Or at the beginning of what you fear will be a stressful week, just call on yourself to FOCUS.

Hehe, okay… that just turned me around. I'm actually a fan of Rev Run's tweets now.

@Alyssa_Milano


An interesting thing about Twitter is that the early "celebrities" who got on are some of the more popular ones today. Which has been something totally independent of whether or not that person has anything valuable to say. Alyssa Milano is one of these people. She mostly reposts stories or news (like, did you guys know there was a tsunami in Japan? z0mg!). When she isn't doing that, she is dropping gems like this:

Going out to lunch with a client? Alyssa Milano has some advice for you.

And who could forget the timeless wisdom of Master Yoda? Not Alyssa Milano!

@GhostfaceKillah


On Valentine's Day, Ghost hopped on Twitter to dole out amazing advice to the fellas. In stark contrast to everything above, there is nothing sarcastic or snarky going on here. Grab your notebook, shit is about to get real.

Yeah, I think I know what you're sayin. What else though?

I nahyoumean. Good stuff so far, b. But what if home life is getting old and tired?

Smash all that? I like where this is going. But I dunno, Ghost, what we gon' do while we're there?

The activities! Of course.

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