Greatest Pro Wrestling Theme Songs: 20-11
If this doesn't make you sentimental, hit the back button now
Growing up, I made it no secret that I was into professional wrestling. I talked about it constantly, bought merchandise, and even attended a few live shows. There were always a few kids who tried to ruin my fun and inform me that “wrestling is fake,” as if this somehow had eluded me. Years later when I was in high school, and the bug bit me again, this same argument resurfaced. I always wanted to follow those kids to the movies, sit behind them, and right at the climax proclaim “Bruce Willis didn’t really kill those guys, just saying.” Of course wrestling is fake! And I’m glad it is. You will never order a pro wrestling pay-per-view and be disappointed by a fifteen second main event like in boxing or the UFC. It is a soap opera for guys, plain and simple.
There is a certain ridiculous pageantry to wrestling that I will forever enjoy, even if I don’t follow it so much anymore. One of my favorite parts of this pageantry is theme music. Could you imagine walking into work every day with Return of the Mack blaring on the audio system? Giovanny lives this dream at the CB offices every day, but most people don’t get that chance. Before I count down the greatest pro wrestling theme songs of all time, I sent the intern around the building to ask some of my fellow contributors about what their pro wrestling gimmick and theme music would be. Our intern was relieved to get this assignment, as for most of the day Jeff and Jeremiah had been hitting him with The Doomsday Device.
“I’d have Cake’s Short Skirt, Long Jacket for a theme and my gimmick would be that my fingernails shine like justice.” – Lauren Passell
“I have always wanted to stomp out to Skeletons of Society by Slayer. I would be called The Slayerer. Also, I would only respond to interview questions with Slayer lyrics.” – Chris Dorsey
“I would be called Captain Crunch, and I would use an abundance of cereal references. For example: ‘I’ll take down your whole crew. Ain’t nothin’ but a bunch of Fruity Pebbles’. My theme music would be Pour Some Sugar on Me.” – Jason Arican
Keep in mind that this is about greatest theme music, not greatest entrance. If it were the latter I’d surely have to include a video of the Bushwackers licking people’s heads and I don’t really want to do that.
20. Junkyard Dog
There was a point in time back in the 80’s where a lot of the themes that the WWF used were not developed in house. Originally JYD had Queen’s Another One Bites the Dust and as cliché as it was, it really worked for him. His gimmick was as straight forward as the song was. But then eventually it was switched to a track called Grab Them Cakes. And…wow, they really shouldn’t have done that. Despite that, his original entrance theme with the classic Queen track remains one of my favorites.
"Don't interpret this to mean that I don't also love tits"
19. “Mr. Ass” Billy Gunn
I’m not sure if any explanation is really necessary for this theme. Instead, I’m just going to copy and paste some of these lyrics, and we’ll see if you can figure out why this is included in the top twenty.
'Cause I'm an Ass Man
Yeah, I'm an Ass man
Yes I'm an Ass man (OH!)
I'm an Ass Man
So many asses, so little time
Only a tight one, can stop me on the dime
I'm a lover, of every kind
The best surprises always sneak up from behind
Enough said.
18. “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan
This is not the Hulkster’s only entry in this countdown. After he turned heel (“became a bad guy”, in wrestling speak) and joined the nWo, Hulk needed a new image, and a new theme song. In one of the only uses of a classic tune in all of mainstream pro wrestling history, Hogan began coming out to Jimmy Hendrix’s Voodoo Child. A lot of people didn’t believe that he could ever make a successful bad guy, but he definitely achieved that. In all my years watching pro wrestling, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone get booed as loud as Hulk did in WCW. It wasn't the song that provoked this reaction, but Voodoo Child was a great mood setter for a cockier and meaner Hogan.
I wasn't kidding.
17. Koko B. Ware
Koko B. Ware had a gimmick. And that gimmick was, “holy shit this guy loves birds.” His theme song clearly illustrated this by repeatedly saying “bird bird bird bird bird bird.” He came to the ring with a parrot on his arm, in case you didn’t get the point. It was so simultaneously awesome and stupid that it had to find its way onto this countdown.
16. Kurt Angle
A good sign that an entrance is effective is how involved the crowd gets. There are few better examples of this than Kurt Angle’s theme, where the crowd over time created a place in the song to chant “you suck” in perfect rhythm to the music. He was one of the most effective heels in the history of the business, and this theme really suited him. It sounded arrogant and entitled, just like the character he played.
15. Randy Orton
It is my opinion that wrestling themes have gone downhill in recent years. Where once we had chilling instrumentals and goofball in house productions, we now have really shitty metal tunes made by artists that the WWE is apparently in bed with. One of the few exceptions to that is Randy Orton’s theme Voices which is absolutely spot on for the sociopath that Orton played for years before a recent creative change. And hey ladies, look at the body on this asshole.
14. Mr. Perfect
There’s nothing flashy or exciting about this theme. It’s just…perfect. For a far more hilarious song, check out the Macho Man’s rap tribute to the now deceased Mr. Perfect.
13. Chris Jericho
Jericho’s theme is one of the better ones in recent memory. It starts with a dramatic countdown that is always answered by the same arrogant asshole walking out from behind the curtain, and it actually sounds pretty badass. I can imagine Jericho being pretty concerned about his music selection, as he is in a band himself. They're called Fozzy and, as a side note, they're absolutely terrible and do not deserve this free press.
Good spittin' music
12. HHH
Motorhead’s song The Game was written specifically for HHH. Lyrically speaking it gets across HHH as an evil mastermind who takes great pleasure in plotting your demise, piece by piece. He might kidnap your family, break your leg, or give you stamps with inconvenient denominations. But then he became a good guy and they never really changed it. Why write a new theme when he’ll just be evil again someday anyway, right? That’s pro wrestling!
11. Bret Hart
Simply put, this was one of the best and most distinctive themes in wrestling history. Our own editor Jeff Hart used to play this on a boom box and hand out pairs of sunglasses to confused homeless people, but it was never quite the same. Also, the Hitman could really rock the color pink. Bravo Bret.
Come back tomorrow when Ben finishes the top ten of the countdown! I hope you’re on the edge of your turnbuckle. Now that we have that absolutely unbearable joke out of the way, feel free to dork it out in the comments section.
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if bastion booger does not make the top 10, i am submitting a photo of me defacating on a screenshot of this website.
I appreciate your enthusiasm, Jake.
Now please, share with the class some of your pro wrestling gimmick ideas.
This is Jake's gimmick:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNQD_q5tkLo
im just going to assume the demolition song isnt in the top 10...you can imagine my disappointment.
Yeah I was pretty sure when this started that there was no way to please a quarter of the people that might stumble upon this. Demolition almost made it, Acky. It's a quality theme. That was probably my favorite tag-team growing up.
First, let me share Acky's disappointment. And chastise Ben for this transgression against his "favorite tag team growing up." If I were you sir, I'd fully expect to get hit in the face with some patented Mr. Fuji powder in the near future.
I'll reserve further comments until the full list is revealed, but I have a feeling indie wrestlers will be largely ignored, which I understand. Still, I have to point out that Bryan Danielson used Self Esteem by The Offspring and Brian Kendrick used Genie in a Bottle by Christina Aguilera. Both excellent choices.
Ah... the indies, where you can use whatever music you want for free and nobody bothers you.
Yeah, I stayed away from the Indies.
Also, sick Mr. Fuji powder reference!
man, i watched a good amount of wrestling as a kid, and i apparently don't remember ANYONE'S entrance music. Koko B. Ware--that is the funniest shit ever.
Koko B. Ware later switched to an awful track called "Piledriver" from the album of the same name. And wow, Mr. Ass at number 19? That's a goddamn travesty. He's easily top 3 material. Easily.
And the fucking Honky Tonk Man had better be top 10.
Like Jeremiah, I'll withhold comments until I've seen the full list. However, I will say this:
There are only 10 spots left on this list, and off the top of my head I can easily think of more than 10 themes that deserve mention. See below. So, I'd imagine some good ones will be left off.
Demolition..as discussed.
Million Dollar Man
Ultimate Warrior
Hogan (Real American)
and also Hogan’s theme from Rock N’ Wrestling that he used briefly…basically it was a variation of Bonnie Tyler’s "Ravishing." And it's awesome.
Shawn Michaels...sexy boy!
Roddy Piper...the bagpipes theme was cool, and also, it made for a great visual at big events like Wresltemania 1 when Piper would walk out with a full bagpipe band playing his theme. Really innovative for its time considering the big, elaborate entrances that we see nowadays at every house show.
Ric Flair…simple, but also one of the most memorable in wrestling history.
Macho Man…I love that I think of wrestling anytime I’m at a graduation.
Jake the Snake…it was a classic example of 80s synth wrestling themes. And it fit Jake Roberts perfectly.
John Cena...whether you love him or hate him, you can't argue that some sort of emotion is evoked when you hear that "AAAAAAVONO!" at the beginning of his theme song.
Undertaker. Come on...this thing is just downright chilling.
I always thought the start of John Cena's theme music was a raucous "SHABBADOOOOOOOOOO!"
i have failed in an attempt to find some of the gimmicks i have dreamed up previously. that being said, here are some poorly thought-out ideas on the fly to appease you, mr. van iten.
"the mediocre warrior" - a parody of the ultimate warrior. instead of running down to the ring, he merely skips and trots. his facepaint is only half-done, as well, because he's the mediocre warrior. his phsyique is also not muscular, but rather average (not by wrestler standards, but by everyman standards) which makes his physique below-average. this is pretty much the same as "gillberg" but way better since i thought of it.
"the carney-vores" - i actually wrote a piece for this tag team consisting of ferris wheeler (an old carney from the fair circuit) and deaf leopard...an actual deaf guy dressed in leopard print gear and a fuzzy leopard mask. they would be good guys, too: ferris would look EXACTLY like joe dirt, and deaf leopard's trademark would be to do the hulk hogan "i can't hear you" thing, emphasizing that he really can't hear them.
"inspector brown" - a play of an old character and one i discussed with a certain matt k. a few weeks ago. he's an austin powers/derek flint type who is a giant pervert. "inspector brown" being a double entendre, as his favorite thing to do is put a magnifying glass up to a girl's ass and "search for clues". has a fat valet named "agent 299" (play off of the show get smart), which represents her weight, obviously. because people love fat jokes and double entendres.
"dumb waiter" - has nothing to do with the little elevator thing at all. it is just a waiter that is dumb, and decided to take up wrestling because he is frustrated. once again, double entendres. i stink.
"ham ham pigelow" - parody of bam bam bigelow, only dressed in a pig costume (pink sweatpants, pig mask.) what makes this funnier is that BBB is dead and wrestling dorks would get really fucking mad about it. interviews consist of him frequently emphasizing that pork is great, which earns him popularity.
"the godfather, part 2" - re-hashing of wwf's "the godfather," but only is a REAL pimp who has real prostitutes...all are hideous. his finishing move is that the prostitutes are armed with water guns filled with their fluid, and he syphilises the opponent in the face.
matt k. has the best wrestler idea ever though, and i'll let him chime in with that one if he wants...
You're hired!
I got a laugh out of some of these ideas. And, certainly, one of my favorite pastimes is to daydream and think up new great wrestling gimmicks. (If anyone from WWE is reading this, I'd be happy to send along my resume and samples).
However, oddly enough, WWE has distanced themselves from cartoon gimmicks lately. Some of those--Inspector Brown, etc--would have been great in the early 90s era of cartoony gimmicks (Repo Man, Skinner, etc), but it's difficult to imagine them flying with the company now. I say "oddly enough," because WWE's current, well-publicized move to more family-friendly, PG-rated content would lend itself to the inclusion of characters that are very obviously parodies, cartoony, and so forth.
The only recent guy I can think of who had farcical, over-the-top gimmicks would be the Pirate Paul Burchill, or Kizarny, and you can see how long those guys lasted.
It's a shame, because if WWE insists on shoving this sugar-coated, bloodless family-friendly stuff down our throats, at least give us some amusing characters like the fun ones you mentioned.
the carney vores and ham ham pigelow are brilliant.