Pop culture essays, criticism, fistfights

The Twitter Report: Followers

I really wanted to make the next Twitter Report an analysis of our 100 followers, but we’re stuck around 90 and it’s been too long since the last time this feature ran (so much so that it’s no longer listed on the main page under ‘Features’). Besides, I fear that if I wait any longer, the jokes about me being a Culture Blues intern could gain some legs in reality. And despite his gruff exterior, Jeff tends to have the most suspect Starbucks orders. Surely you can imagine that I am in no way prepared to explain to a hot woman with a good job that this caramel frappachino is not for me, “it’s for my editor.” So, sorry- we can’t wait for the nice round number.

Here you go, a look our 92 followers:

First, a little history. The @cultureblues account was established on September 3rd, 2009 by the aforementioned Jeffrey A. Hart. In announcing to the staff the creation of “a Twitter”, Jeff suggested we do some “Twittering” and talk about what people talk about “on Twitters.” He, of course, has not once tweeted from @cultureblues, but I doubt you are surprised by that.

This could be you, @leorD123

Of our first ten followers, five were writers and three were porn bots (@GCesquire technically counts as both). The next ten were mostly comprised of friends of mine, with notables @the_visible_man (who went on to inspire The Twitter Report: Hot Moms Edition) and @leorD123, who was our prestigious 20th follower. Fun fact: She also offered to get the CB logo tattooed on her body and, while she may think we were kidding, we most certainly were not.

Moving along, shout outs go to other early followers: @tassiala (always blesses us down with the RTs), @ssjh13 (good source of silly links and videos, the importance of which CANNOT be overstated) and, of course, @thatbigblackguy (yes- THAT big black guy). You see, it was intimate in the beginning. Our followers were a ragtag group consisting of friends of the site, coworkers, and, as I mentioned before, a healthy amount of porn bots.

But at this point, we were stuck. For one, Twitter really stepped up its monitoring and blocking of porn bots. Another reason is that this is just hard. It really is. And I’m not saying that for your pity; I don’t need your pity. Writing for this site has been a fulfilling and quite lucrative experience, thank you kindly. It’s not about that.

Unless you go viral or piss a bunch of people off (and hell, we tried that), growing a Twitter account is just a slow-moving process, you know?

Buttholetango is the reason we write

I distinctly remember sitting on 29 followers for a while. Yeah, we had @willias1 and @cjfarris_v2pt0 holding us down, but when "a while" turned into what seemed like forever, we decided to go out and actively start finding tweeple tweeps people on Twitter to talk to. Since our content is generally accessible with a broad appeal (and after we made a conscious effort to not come across as misogynistic), we figured this would be a smart route. This slowly got us to where we are today, but most notably got us a follow from @buttholetango.
In terms of reach, we have a few followers from the UK (@brighteyedsky, @rockchick_sj), a pretty strong Philly contingent (@amykraynak, @lilkrisw), and have even planted the prestigious Culture Blues flag in South freaking Africa. The global reach of Culture Blues is undeniable.

Lately, we’ve tried to interact more with the Twitterati (not sure what this one means but I’ve heard people use it before and it sounds straight up ballin’). Twitter is a great way for us to share our content, but it’s also a great platform for us to share our smug disposition with the rest of the world on a consistent basis. So if you’re not already following @cultureblues, come join the party! RT this piece and I’ll be sure to include you when I recap our 184 followers… in June of 2013.

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9 Responses »

  1. Dan Billy looks like a pedophile. I hear he has an affinity for tiny shorts and Werthers Candies.

  2. Confirmed.

  3. From this point forward I'm going to reposition myself as Culture Blues' foremost expert on newsworthy tweets. I can't build a career on silly videos.

  4. Well, Matt... most of our readers (and all of our writers) look like pedophiles. Although with Lauren around now these days, at least some of the guys are showering

  5. Perhaps, no. But now that you have added .GIFs to the tool belt, your stock has really taken off.


    Thank you for that, thank you so so much.

  6. let's see if I can make this work

  7. You could not have been more apt in describing me sir.


  1. Tweets that mention The Twitter Report: Followers | Culture Blues -- Topsy.com