The Lost Finale Wishlist
ALERT! ALERT! LOST SPOILERS BELOW!
I don't envy the creators of Lost. Granted, they're paid handsomely to lord over a massively successful show, possibly the last unique drama to have a chance to grow and thrive on network television, with a vast and passionate fanbase. Seems like a sweet deal until this Sunday, when the dude responsible for Brisco County Jr and the other guy are expected to bring it all to a satisfactory conclusion. Yeah - good luck with that.
I'm not saying that Lost's finale will be met with a collective head scratch like The Sopranos was, and unless Desmond turns out to have been an angel all along I doubt it will sink to Battlestar Galactica levels of infuriating shitacity. Unlike those two shows, Lost has been a consistently fun ride over its six seasons and, at worst, that's what we'll get on Sunday; a fun, action packed two and a half hours of television. However, Lost has a ton of baggage. An unwieldy cast of characters from which everyone has a favorite, questions big and small that fans are still gnawing on, and six seasons worth of false starts and loose plot strands that still maybe could, you know, mean something, like what happened to Ben's magic box, man, and how that relates to the Valenzetti Equation...
With all that junk hanging out there, there's no way for the Lost creators to satisfy every fan. But they can at least still satisfy me. Isn't that what's important here? With that in mind, here's what I need to get from the final hours of Lost to feel good about the series.
I don't like the looks of that.
Jack keeps on being badass
I think most fans came into this season hungry for answers to mysteries big and small. How did the statue get smashed? Why is Richard ageless? What’s the deal with the island? The answers we’ve gotten are nice, and I enjoy the mythology for the most part, but mysteries be damned Lost has always been about the characters for me, specifically Jack Shephard. I know some people aren’t big fans of the good doctor. Those people are stupid and wrong. Lost is a house built on a foundation of awesome Jack moments. Oh – what’s that? You want top 5 scenes where Jack yells? Okay!
1) Jack refusing to perform surgery on Ben and yelling “Kate, damn it, run!”
2) Jack with a huge beard yelling “Kate we have to go back!”
3) Jack hemming up John Locke and yelling “nothing will happen!” referring to the button (oops).
4) Jack yelling at Kate and Juliet as he insists on being awake during his own surgery.
5) Jack on a sinking submarine yelling “there is no Sayid!”
Shit, I even like the Jack flashback that takes place in Thailand. To keep me happy, all Darlton had to do this season was give Jack some badass stuff to do and they haven’t disappointed. He’s had great scenes on-island with Sawyer, his alterna-verse storyline plucks all the right heart strings, and he’s even had the requisite standing in the wide open while wildly firing a gun scene (right after he shoves freaking Smokey into the drink!). As of Tuesday, Jack is now New Jacob or Protector of the Island or Keeper of the Light – whatever, still same old bossy radical Jack, except now with super powers. I don’t think the new title, or the fact that alterna-Jack keeps waking up with a bad case of phantom-bloody-throat, bode well for his chances of surviving the finale. In fact, I was terrified he was going to get shot by a gun-toting Ben during the What They Died For ceremony. If it happens, I just hope his death is spectacular, that he has one more great yell in him, and that the heartbreaking event is followed immediately by an on-air moment of silence.
Maybe the magic bullet hits her agent for booking her on V.
Who did Juliet shoot during the time-jumping out-rigger chase?
I need to see that time traveling bullet hits its mark, man! Over at What’s Alan Watching Darlton claims they won't be resolving this because of what sounds like scheduling conflicts. I think they're lying. There's been too many outrigger moments this season, too many teases. I tend to believe Darlton when they say they won’t resolve obscure mysteries from the first few seasons, but this was just last year. They should’ve had this plotted out tight. I’m holding out hope that somebody’s catching that bullet.
Why do people have powers anyway?
I don't need a lot of time spent on this. Just a single line of dialogue would do. The information dump that happened around the fire in What They Died For would've been a perfect time for this. Hurley could've asked why he can see dead people, and Jacob could've fed us some line about The Light sometimes seeping off the island, sparks popping off here and there and granting people all kinds of fancy necromancer magic. From that I could have merrily inferred the same about Miles, Desmond, and Walt. That reminds me...
Remember this little creep?
WAAAAAAAAAAAAALT!
They had a chance to square this one with me a few weeks ago when Michael's ghost appeared to Hurley. "Say hi to Walt for me." That's it. That would've been enough. Just a tiny acknowledgment that Walt, who was a huge piece of the second season plot and has gone almost unremarked upon since, still exists in this world. I'd like to see him and Michael pop up at this museum gala somehow, even if they have to CGI that little fucker in. Or, I'll settle for a flash forward that also serves as preview for Darlton's upcoming Lost Babies, where Walt leads Aaron, Ji Yeon, Charlie Jr, Clementine, and the reality jumping David Shephard (he's like Cable) back to the island to find out what happened to all their parents. Sounds awesome, right? Call me guys, I have a spec script, and I'm not married to calling it Lost Babies.
Richard Alpert can’t be dead
The deaths this season haven't carried the same gravity that they have in the past. Part of that might be due to the alterna-timeline where a lot of these characters are likely to pop up. Still, at times Darlton have been downright callous in dispatching our characters. Lapidus death by flying door? Ok, fine, he wasn't that important. Ilana blowing herself up? Might have served the purpose of turning Ben firmly against the island - remember his bitter "the island was done with her" line. But Richard Alpert? Going out in a 5 second smoke monster blast? Hell no. That's not happening. He deserves a bigger moment. I need to see Alpert stagger into the final conflict. Batmanuel costume optional.
The good guy.
A return of the Man of Science
Over at the AV Club, Noel Murray (my go-to choice for Lost coverage) has a nice take on the necessary ambiguities that are so important to Lost. One of, if not the central theme of Lost has always been faith vs. science, or fate vs. free will. Over the entire series, Darlton has done a great job of keeping us in shades of gray, at least until this year. Now, our series long Man of Science (Jack) has been converted into THE Man of Faith, and our representative for free will is literally a monster that’s been piling up bodies all season long. They’ve been pitching the boat toward a straight up showdown of good vs. evil and that’s never been what the show’s been about. Frankly, I think Jacob sucks balls. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. With his great “it’s just a line of chalk on a wall” line in the last episode, he showed us that he’s just a man, an ageless one maybe, but still a man that doesn’t totally understand the power that he’s dealing with. He’s a dunce and his mom was one crazy bitch. How many deaths is Jacob’s search for a replacement responsible for? Everyone on Oceanic, Ajira, the freighter, all the Others. Was it necessary? Was it worth it? Someone needs to stand up to these wannabe deities and say enough is enough, stop meddling with people’s lives to serve a purpose you don’t even understand. Has it occurred to anyone that a magic light that pukes out creatures like the Smoke Monster might not be worth protecting? That we might be better off sinking the whole damn twisted place? That’s it. I’ve talked myself into it. I’m rooting for not-Locke.
Ok – that’s what I need from the Lost finale. What are you guys looking for? Let’s hear it in the comments.
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Great job with the Jack list. That's some Greatest Hits. Watching him take control of that surgery with Ben on the table never gets old.
Here's my list:
1) Smokey chase - It will undoubtedly seem contrived, but I want to see Smokey (in smoke form) tear through the island ripping up trees while people run from him one last time.
2) Dharma Shark
3) Jack vs Ben one last time - Forget Jack vs Locke and Ben vs Widmore and Jacob vs MIB, this is the confrontation that gave me the greatest enjoyment and it was the foundation for my favorite season of Lost (3). I want to see them go at it one last time. Fists, guns, even just a verbal sparring will be fine. Chances for this look great after this week's episodes.
Jack: "Remember when I used your sliced open back as a bargaining chip?"
Ben: "Remember when I had Michael kill that bitch Ana Lucia?"
4) Clancy Brown - I'll take any Mr. Brown, but I'd prefer it not to be Alterna-Verse. I'm sorry, Brother Justin doesn't go down by bouncing his head off some rocks. "Ye offspring of serpents, who warned you to flee the wrath to come?"
5) Dharma Shark with wings
6) "See ya in another life, brotha." - I want to hear it one last time... preferably said to Jack as Desmond dies a glorious explosion of a death without ever getting to see Penny again. Life sucks.
7) Which brings me to my final wish, Jack lives - Jack vanquishes Smokey, no thanks to the rest of the survivors (using the word loosely), and after kicking everyone else off his magic island cause they don't deserve it, he turns to the camera and addresses his worthless audience of haters directly, so they can all realize once and for all that they've spent 6 years watching a show about Jack and only Jack, and they can live the rest of their lives knowing that Matthew Fox is better than them. Dancing, crotch chopping and quoting Hate Me Now would all be major bonuses.
JACK SHEPARD SEASON HAS RETURNED!
People warn me, when you're on top there's envy
Took my niggas out the ocean, but you doubt on us
Sayin we left the island but can't get it out of us
My bad, should I step out my shoes, give 'em to you?
Here's my cars and my fantasy son, you can have that too
My head has been spinning for so long about this show. A few of the latest episodes almost LOST me. We could have gone without some of the lame episodes. I would have been fine with them had they mixed in a couple more dumb answers. Just answers to some of the simple things that we really don't NEED to know but are curious about. I would have been way more captivated. Until this latest episode I've been falling asleep during most of them.... Jack's low point getting on a boat ... jumping off the boat swimming to shore. WHOO! what an episode... SNORE!
The latest episode reeled me back in. I'm so excited for the Finale. I've tried to really put my expectations down but this show has me so swirled that I don't know what to expect. They claim that they'll have everyone in tears, but tears of joy or sadness or anger? We'll see!