Culture Blues

Second-Hand Review: The Back-up Plan

Sometimes your friends at Culture Blues are just too busy to review movies themselves. When that happens, they send out The Intern to get an interview with someone leaving the movie theatre. These are Second-Hand Reviews.

Our intern caught up with "Kelly" outside of an industry-only screening in New York City.

CB: What movie did you just see?

Kelly: I just saw The Back-up Plan with Jennifer Lopez. And Angie Tempura. And Cesar Milan the Dog Whisperer.

CB: What's it-

Kelly: And the black guy from Law & Order regular version.

CB: Anthony Anderson?

Kelly: I don't know.

CB: What's it about?

Kelly: Well it starts with Lopez's character getting artificial inseminated. Then she does a sort of bowlegged, duck walk out of the doctor's office to keep the semen inside her. Like this...

At this point, she demonstrates the duck walk.

CB: Doesn't seem very scientific.

Kelly: No.

CB: What else happens?

Kelly: She meets this guy. They whine a lot and then they do it in his cheese cellar, which isn’t even a cheese cellar. It’s a fucking barn. Then, she vomits in a garbage can and tells him she's pregnant, and he gets mad and she runs away.

CB: Semen duck walks, post-coital vomit. This sounds pretty graphic for a rom-com.

Kelly: They try to be gross like Knocked Up with the blood and the barf and the poop and the other poop but it doesn't work at all. It's not funny. It's gross. Not once did anyone genuinely laugh.

CB: That's pretty lousy. So, not worth your time?

Kelly: Well, it was fun for a while, when everyone in the theater was making fun of it. But then it got so bad that it brought everyone down. On the way out, I heard a pregnant woman say, "I hated that movie because I'm afraid that's what everyone thinks I'm like."

CB: So, J. Lo makes pregnancy unappealing?

Kelly: Yes! Apparently being pregnant is disgusting. It makes you manic and when you're J. Lo it makes you even more annoying, which is true to life because she had twins. And it makes you have matted, wet hair constantly.

CB: Was there anything good about The Back-up Plan?

Kelly: No. [thinks] Oh! There's a Boston Terrier who has to have a trailer because he's crippled. He was the best part of the movie. Everybody loved Nutsy. But I think there was a scene where they used a paper cutout instead of the dog. I think the dog quit.

The Back-up Plan is vomiting all over theaters nationwide today.

Tagged as: doing it, graphic romantic comedy, gross out, j. lo, other poop, poop, the back-up plan, the dog from the back-up plan, vomit