Culture Blues

Internet Killed the Video Star: February

Music videos have disappeared from the airwaves but they're now available on demand 24/7 in cyberspace. Problem is, there's so much out there it's hard to find the good stuff (and the stuff so bad it needs to be seen). That's what we're here for, providing a monthly rundown of the music videos you need to be aware of.

Airbourne “No Way But the Hard Way” – Playing a brand of AC/DC style hard rock so anachronistic, so irony-free, it actually seems like a spoof. It’s not. I don’t think. It is pretty rocking though. And the video is blissfully silly and quite entertaining.

Bangin'

Taylor Swift “Fearless” – I love hating on Taylor Swift (TayTay henceforth). I think she’s lame. I think she’s a dreadfully boring ditz parading as an artist and I’m glad Kanye interrupted her (is this the appropriate place for a “Team Kanye”?) I don’t care how many Jonas brothers she calls out. The fact that she has a reason to call them out only reaffirms her suckiness. With this video she tackles one of my great passions though, the concert video. At times it is everything these videos should be. The spectacle and excitement of arena performances mixed with a more intimate, human portrait of a popular artist (the rehearsal clips are KEY). Yet, beneath it all is a really pathetic narcissism. A large chunk of time here is dedicated to fans holding up signs or displaying shirts (and, god help us all, body paint) praising TayTay. There’s a “I play guitar because of U” sign as well as little girls singing along. I’m sure they would tell you that fans are featured to “give back” to those who support her, as if these hillbilly idiots deserve to be given anything. And finally, if a black artist threw up that heart it would be considered a gang sign. Fact.

Findlay Brown “Love Will Find You” – Aping the sounds of golden oldies isn’t a bad idea. There’s a reason multiple generations are united by those radio stations. The video appropriately appeals to nostalgia and an idea of what America used to be. It also generates the feeling of community that came along with knowing that people all over the country were tuned into the same thing you were. A sensation increasingly rare in these days of 300 channels. Surprisingly, the video nosedives during an absolutely disastrous third act. Most videos are simply either good or bad. Not many have such a clear distinction between their parts, one being solid, the other terrible. And why are only girls enjoying this dude’s music? Um, actually, I’m gonna stop analyzing this now.

Exactly what NYC is like.

Anjulie “Addicted2Me” – This video cleverly plays off of the pervasive advertising in NYC (and other major metropolitan areas) as the billboards, scaffolding posters and bus ads come alive. Anjulie is pretty much haunting this guy and it fits the lyrics. She has a sultry voice and the song isn’t bad, but it’s just another unremarkable pop number.

Rihanna “Rude Boy” – Rihanna’s latest fetishizes her lips, hips and ass while serving up some light bestiality. If that all sounds good, then I guess this is the video for you. Personally, I’ll stick with Russian Roulette. And apparently everyone is mad cause this video ripped off some MIA video. I wouldn’t know. MIA sucks.

Miley Cyrus “When I Look At You” – Miley Cyrus does not have a good voice. There is nothing about her singing that warrants her having attained the level of stardom she has. Nothing. You know, if we’d all listened to Bill Hicks back in the day and made Billy Ray suck on a shotgun barrel, we wouldn’t be going through this right now. Just saying.

Zach de la Rocha wouldn't do this.

Game Rebellion “Blind” – On paper, a video that consists solely of a glow-in-the-dark paint splattered band performing sounds like a disaster. But this is energetic and there are some striking visuals. The song is strictly third rate Rage Against the Machine, but I like RATM, and I like things that take it to the squares and the corporations. So, it could be worse.

Vampire Weekend “Giving Up the Gun” – I didn’t find this nearly as catchy as most of the Vampire Weekend songs I’m familiar with. On a much more important note, Jake Gyllenhaal, Lil’ Jon, RZA and Jonas #2 all appear in the video. Gyllenhaal is a drunk and grabby tennis player. RZA is the umpire. Lil’ Jon is a French speaking coach (or something). And the Jonas brother must do something but I’m not sure what cause I didn’t realize he was in the video until I read the Youtube info afterward. It’s not nearly as good as it sounds. Although there is a tennis playing samurai. Maybe it’s exactly as good as it sounds.

Alpha Rev “Colder Months” – Note: if your song includes the line “Took the L to Union Square / Watched the pretty girls comb their hair,” I’m out. That’s it.

I'd watch this movie.

Dan Black ft. Kid Cudi “Symphonies” – This song is pretty enjoyable, what with the symphony and synths and all. The real star is the video though. It’s an ode to credit sequences from movies. All different genres, mostly with a 60s vibe. The lyrics are incorporated into the onscreen credits. Opening credit sequences are becoming the exception, not the rule, which is disappointing because a great credit sequence can really lend a movie the appropriate sense of grandeur and help get things going. So I was happy this video pays tribute to what is becoming a lost art.

Justin Bieber ft. Ludacris “Baby” – Luda once again proves that he doesn’t care at all what the project is, as long as someone cuts the check. I mean, this is some repugnant shit. Does “like baby, baby, baby oh / like baby, baby, baby no” really qualify as a hook these days?

Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake “Carry Out” – You’re probably wondering what the significance of this song title is. Well, it’s a song about sex with a fast food motif. Timbaland and JT ask women to take their orders (JT orders by number, which I suspect isn’t too far from real life) while hanging out near neon signs and other vaguely drive thru-ish things. Some women seductively eat cupcakes and Black Forest for reasons unbeknownst to me. But you probably just want to know if Timbaland’s hilarious facial expressions from Morning after Dark make another appearance. They do, but they’re not nearly as plentiful or enjoyable. Rewatch that one instead. It’s awesome.

Tool.

RJD2 “The Glow” – RJD2 is on a roll. Last month it was the excellent Let There Be Horns. This time it’s a video populated by toys, in which a yuppie jerk drives around in a remote control car fucking things up for everybody. It’s not animated, they just set things up and film them. Unfortunately, the song isn’t as good as RJD2’s instrumental work. And I wish they had gotten to the wind-up toy party sooner and set up some sort of conflict there. This is good, but it could have been great.

Miles Kurosky “Dog in the Burning Building” – This video features puppets, dollhouses on fire and some crazy ass animation. The song is, in fact, about a dog in a burning building and features heavy xylophone. The whole thing is frenetic, exciting and pretty fucked up when you actually think about it.

Bullet with bird wings.

Five Finger Death Punch “The Bleeding” – I am only including this because it features the girl who played Bruce Willis’ daughter in The Last Boy Scout and I love The Last Boy Scout.

VIDEO OF THE MONTH: Ramona Falls “I Say Fever” – Wow. A Western animated in a unique style where guns release birds that pull off people’s heads to reveal their true animal selves. Lions, cats, zebras, monkeys. It’s all perfectly set to what’s going on in the song and, while I wouldn't say I really understand what's going on here, there is a story that culminates in a badass showdown. Excellent stuff.

RZA-RZA-rector

VIDEO FLASHBACK: RZA “Tragedy” – In honor of RZA’s appearance in the Vampire Weekend video, I’m looking back at this forgotten gem from 1997. Off the Rhyme & Reason soundtrack, it followed the first wave of Wu solo projects (Tical, Ironman, Only Built 4 Cuban Linx and Liquid Swords) and preceded their landmark, double album effort Wu-Tang Forever. And it seems to bridge the gap between those two distinct periods in the life of rap music’s most significant group of all time. It’s a kung fu fantasy complete with wire fighting, bo staffs and RZA punching people with his massive spike rings which I’ve always envied. It’s the first time I remember the Wu’s love of kung fu being represented in such an overt visual way. This reminds me of a time when the Wu-Tang Clan was a force in music like we’d never seen before (solo contracts anyone?) and didn’t cameo in college rock videos next to admitted self parodies.