Culture Blues

Cheese: The Rant: FML

Fuck My Life is the new woe is me amped up for today’s society. It has sparked a revolution of people complaining about misfortunate events that happen in their lives on the web, via texting or in public.

I paid money for this t-shirt. FML

Ok, I get it, life sucks sometimes and you need to get it out.  But publicly bitching because your significant other broke up with you or your cat scratched your exposed nipple as you were trying to get it off of your bed doesn’t really solve anything. You have to delve into yourselves and find the reasons why this happened and make sure that  next time, it doesn’t happen again.  For example, maybe your S.O.  broke up with you because instead of going out, you like to lie around your apartment smoking bowls and watching TV. In that case, may I make a suggestion:  find someone who enjoys your lifestyle. In the case of “cat scratch nipple fever” wear a t-shirt, Fabio.

The Fuck My Life website even has a counter where you can click and say that “You Agree” that this person’s life sucks or that “you totally deserve it”. That means that there are miserable people wasting their precious lives judging other miserable people. Is this what we have sunk to as a society?

Whatever happened to the old adage of “just grin and bear it”.  Have we forgotten that ?  What if George Washington had the FML mentality? He never would have crossed the Potomac to win the Battle of Little Big Horn and end the Franco-Prussian War of 1812. We would all be speaking proper English right now if he just said FML.

Had to get up super early to lead revolution. Teeth made out of wood. FML

As I was perusing the pages of FML I saw the following posts:

“Just found my first gray hair” FML. In my opinion it would be worthy of an FML if you picked it out of your teeth. Otherwise, you’re getting old, fucking live with it.

Here’s one from London: (obviously FML is becoming a worldwide phenomena that has to be stopped) “Today, I looked outside with a grimace at the very heavy rainfall through which I had to trudge a long way. I waited ten minutes for it to let up, only to find it was getting heavier. So, I started walking anyway. After getting soaked to the bone, I walked through my door, and it stopped. FML” Wow! That person should have just bought a $5 umbrella from the Jamaican guy in the street and saved me the time of reading it.

Here’s the winner, “Today, I got back from a trip with a lady friend. I spent nearly a week's salary on a hotel, meals, gifts, tickets to show, and the like. As I drop her off at her place, she asks if I can let her out two doors down so her boyfriend wouldn't get mad. Hello, friend zone. FML”.  The only thing I can say to that is, “you’re a tool”.

Ladies? FML

There is only one person who can truly say FML right now. Eldrick “Tiger” Woods - this FML’s for you!  Good job Tiger!  Does that prove the theory of “if you show me a hot girl I’ll show you a guy who is tired of fucking her” I think it does.  FML.

Applications like Facebook and Twitter have allowed people to become self absorbed in the minutest details of their lives.   We all have that Facebook friend who has to update their status every 15 minutes stating that, “Hey, I just had the most solid BM” or “Going to the gym for the first time in a month” I DON’T CARE!!   All that tells me is 1) you don’t have enough fiber in your diet and 2) You’re lazy.

People are wasting valuable time and bandwidth writing these things that I and most humans could give a rat’s ass about.  If you want throw a pity party for yourself go right ahead, just don’t invite me, I’ve already RSVP’ed to the Fuck Your Life (FYL) Party. That’s where everyone gets drunk and laughs at other people’s misfortunes all the while wondering IN THEIR MINDS why their own life sucks.