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The Final Countdown: Our Christmas-Missed-Us List

Let’s face it: Christmas ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Especially when you’re an adult. You no longer experience the joy that ripping open package after package with feverish anticipation brought you as a child. Well, your friends here at Culture Blues feel the same way, so we’re going to give you a list of things we wish we’d unwrapped this morning. It should help you feel better about the crushing disappointment you’re currently dealing with. Maybe you’ll even feel a little bit of the Christmas spirit sink in as you realize that we’re all horribly unhappy together!

Right back at ya, buddy.

Right back at ya, buddy.

(20) A dreidel

(19) A broadcast of the California Raisins Christmas special

(18) This tremendous boxed set of the entire run of The Shield aka the greatest TV show ever

(17) A chance to be Anthony Bourdain for a year, or twelve

(16) A good reason to have faith

(15) This desk that looks like Han Solo frozen in carbonite

(14) One of those reversible belts so we don’t need to own a brown belt AND a black belt

We just want to be like you, Dad.

We just want to be like you, Dad.

(13) An agreement from Alice Walker to write poems for our website

(12) A Do-It-Yourself magic kit

(11) An apology from George Lucas

(10) A monkey (that’s right, for the fourth year in a row, Helping Hands has turned down our request for a helper monkey. We don’t know how much more helpless we can get over here)

(9) A bandana

(8) Some duct tape

(7) An extra large trunk

(6) A dirt floor basement

(5) A shovel

(4) Redemption

(3) A baby to teach karate to

(2) A 52” flat screen TV

(1) A robot

This countdown was created by the entire Culture Blues staff

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  1. (3) A baby to teach karate to