Cheese: Dead Words: Volume II
Okay sexy readers, due to an overwhelming lack of response to my first post concerning “Dead Words.” I have some more words that we must dead.
Dead Words: Volume II
Cougar (koo-ger) - Cougar is so played out that they have developed a TV show around the concept called “Cougar Town.” It stars Courtney Cox which is weird because Courtney Cox makes a terrible cougar. She looks like she’s in her early 30s, tops. Check your local listings for air dates and times. The porn industry has even developed a whole genre around it. But that mostly just a sort of quasi-retirement plan for aging porn stars. Regardless, this one is dead.
Manscaping (man-skeyp-ing) - Don’t you feel a little funny just reading the word? Exactly, and that’s why it should be dead. I mean a guy doesn’t want to walk around shirtless and have his underarms look like he has a midget in a headlock. Or be so hairy that if a girl goes down on him she’ll get rug burns. Gentlemen, if you need to trim yourself, do so. But do we really need a word for it? Some things just don’t need to be talked about.
Staycation (stay-kay-shun) - This is another one of those words starting to creep into our vernacular (mostly through advertising) and it must die quickly before it gains a foothold. A staycation is a vacation where you just stay home. When you tell people that you had a staycation, what you’re really saying is that your loser ass can’t go anywhere. If you don’t use up those five vacation days your employer generously bestows upon you, they disappear. Just like your hopes and dreams.
Whatever (like, whut-ev-er) - A recent poll was conducted to identify the most annoying word in the English language. “Whatever” was the winner by a landslide. Whatever was first coined by “Valley Girls” in the early 80’s and it is used to convey apathy towards something. Whatever. I dislike it when bastions of higher learning like Marist College steal my ideas and I expect an honorary diploma (written in crayon of course) to be sent to me at cheese@cultureblues.com. Or you can just follow me on twitter.
Stuart Scott about to get his bro hug on with some dude
The Stuart Scott Vocabulary - You are not allowed to use any Stuart Scott catchphrases in your daily conversations. That’s means Boo-Yah! or “That must be jam cuz jelly doesn't shake like that.” even “Straight Butta!” I could go on but I think you get the point. If you have to use catchphrases to get your point across please don’t rip off Stu Scott, I mean he isn’t even original. He just took phrases from rappers in the 80s and says them over a highlight reel. Somehow, he still has a job. If you use these phrases at your job, you would probably get fired for sexual harassment.
The Exploding Fist Pound - I don’t even know where to start with this. I think this is something that white people (and Stuart Scott) just hijacked and ran into the ground. The fist pound was an informal greeting between African Americans. White people had to then go and take it like five steps further by pulling back their hands and adding the exploding part, complete with spittle infused kaboom sound effects. This juvenile act is now being used in commercials starring middle aged white men, so that means it’s dead.
I would also like to dead the one armed hug between guys. You know where your hand is clasping the other guys hand and you reach over and give each other a pat on the back. I was at a bar and saw some old white guys did it and it just looked stupid. What’s wrong with just giving the guy a hug? The world would be a much better place if there were more hugs, although I should also point out the phrase "hug it out" needs deading. Even a simple handshake is an acceptable form of greeting. If meeting your buddies for drinks requires a different five step handshake for everyone just so that you feel needed, that’s a world I do not want to live in. Too much effort. You want to feel needed, have kids, buy a dog, or start writing for a blog.
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Staycation? Whatever? hug it out, manscaping cougar. Straight Butta! fist pound boom goes the dynamite. Boo-Yah!
Can we add the Rachel Ray term Yumm-O, as well and Mancation & Metrosexual....I think they need to be nixed from the vernacular.
I think we still need "metrosexual". The only people that want to dead "metrosexual" are probably metrosexuals.
I haven't heard "mancation" before.
You never heard of "mancation" and you want to keep "metrosexual". You need some help!
There seems to be some confusion about what the point of this column is. It's meant to identify WORDS that should be excised, not concepts. While we all would all love to not have metrosexuals anymore, they do exist and the word itself is still a useful identifier. Plus, it doesn't get used much anymore. In 2005, I might have agreed that over use of the word led to a diluted meaning and that we would be better off just getting rid of it. In 2009, however, it's a great way to make fun of guys who get manicures.
As for "mancation." You just seem to be WAY ahead of the curve on lame marketing lingo. Did someone try to sell you a mancation while you were getting your manicure? A quick internet search indicates that this is indeed a useless word, apparently meant to replace "guys' weekend," which no one ever said in the first place. It's highly preferable to "going away with my boys" though, so maybe it's not all bad. Regardless, I wouldn't be surprised if Cheese marked this one for deletion soon, including any other other new words with the suffix "cation." That dude does not like it when other people enjoy themselves.
Cheese any thoughts?
Can we add "webinar" to this list? I've been hearing it a lot lately. It's a conference that involves everyone sitting at their computers, listening to an internet seminar, and wasting precious minutes of their lives. "Web conference," although still lame, is vastly preferred, in my opinion. In fact, why must we label it anything? We all just end up playing solitaire during the conference anyway.
Don't get me started. We could devote an entire lifetime to talking about silly corporate crazy speak. "Out of pocket" is up there for me. Couldn't you just say "I'm going to be gone"? Why make up the phrase "pocket"? What pocket are you talking about? I'm REALLY struggling to make sense of that statement.
Out of pocket is kind of weird, especially because it can also mean expenses without reimbursement. But they said it on The Wire so I'm pretty sure it can stay. Plus it sounds cool, at least it does when people on The Wire say it. The person who uses that at the office is probably a jerk.
Sorry I've been out of pocket, guys. Really bottle-necking on murders lately. Lets circle back on Monday and discuss.
@JasonVorheesCEO +1 I don't know how you find time in the day. @John nice pic. @Jason I think you're right, we may have to work corporate speak into an article. But I do want to dead something and that is LOL. LOL, how many of us really laugh out loud at someone's inane comments. Doing this we make people who are not funny think they are funny and that kiddies is just bad. Don't patronize the unfunny, just let their IM or email responses flap in the wind like beef curtains.
Coming soon my rebuttal to FML.
LOL
I agree with everything said regarding corporate phrases and slang. "Out of pocket" is bad, and I'm guessing it resulted from douchey corporate dudes having no non-office referents aside from golf outings, California Pizza Kitchen, Express clothing, Happy Hour jagerbombs, and football. Thus, being gone was somehow likened to the quarterback scrambling out of the passing pocket. Any way you look at it, it's terrible.
Whatever happened to referring to internet-related concepts and items with the preface "cyber-"? It seems like somewhere along the way, "cyber" got trumped by "web" and "net." It's unfortunate, as widespread use of cyber would make our whole existence feel a lot more futuristic, dystopian, and, well, Terminator-like.