Culture Blues

Internet Killed the Video Star: September

Every month, we scour the earth (but mostly the internet) to see what’s new in the world of music videos and to dutifully report back to you, and then tell you which ones to watch.

2012 can't get here soon enough.

Muse "Uprising" – This was actually my first exposure to Muse, and while I’m not quite sure what all the buzz is about (check out our review of Muse's latest album here), I did like the song. And the video is awesome. A stylishly filmed world of miniatures meets with death and destruction. It’s a bleak scene, fitting the song’s power-to-the-people lyrics. Then, teddy bears rise from beneath the streets and Godzilla the place. I told you it was awesome.

Straight Line Stitch (MTV thinks it’s “Snitch,” way to go) “Taste of Ashes" – This video is hilarious. This is one of those metal-ish bands where the singer (a little chick with braids in this case) growls during the verses and then breaks into song for the hook. But this song has the added bonus of some idiot from Hatebreed punctuating her lines with gems like “These words are unspoken,” “Death is forever,” and “Beware of the vampire.” It is, fucking fantastic. Aside from the dumb lyrics, the song is dramatic and doesn’t sound too bad if you’re into that whole growl-then-sing structure (I admit, I am). But there’s nothing special here.

I'm taking the high road. I'm not even going to make a joke about Easter Bunny semen. Oops.

Three Days Grace "Break" – Good god. Are these guys serious? Shitty “alt-metal” bands like this make Taproot look like the Foo Fighters. Which, in turn, makes Chevelle look like Nirvana and Helmet the Rolling Stones. This whole video just screams “artifice” at the top of its lungs. From the ridiculous looking computer assisted slow motion to the lame fake paint splatters. The music is bad. The video is putrid.

Diddy Dirty Money “Angels" – Puff Daddy (fuck him) must have thought stealing a page from Kanye's playbook would be a surefire way to print some more money. Unfortunately, he stole the page entitled 808s and Heartbreak. Don’t get excited when you hear Big’s voice at the beginning, Puffy just resurrects the great one yet again to bookend this dumb fucking song with one unremarkable verse. All in the hopes that someone somewhere will pay attention. The video sees Puffy walking around the projects (right) and riding motorcycles (typical Bad Boy stuff) while mumbling in The Robot Voice. At the end, he has sex with a woman for absolutely no reason. Does your narcissism know no ends? I know you’re not wondering, but since I had my brain polluted with this little tidbit, I’m passing it on. This single comes from Puffy’s new “concept” album Last Train to Paris. The arc of which will see Puffy “[tour] from London to Paris and [find] the woman of his dreams - only to lose her, find her, lose her again and find her a final time. “ Well, that just sounds riveting! I bet the dramatic tension increases every time he loses her, and subsequently finds her again. The video looks good because it’s directed by Hype Williams. But, as the old saying goes, you can get Francis Ford Coppola to film a turd, but it’s still a turd.

Shhh... his foot's asleep on the gas.

Drake, Lil’ Wayne, Kanye West & Eminem "Forever" – In a cyberscape filled with remixes and collaborations, this track manages to stand out as a big deal. Three huge names accompanied by a probably soon-to-be big name. Not exactly a dream team for me personally, but it lives up to its billing as an “event” song. The first three verses (Drake, Kanye, Wayne) build nicely, each better than the last. Em loses some of that moment, though it’s a marked improvement over his recent work. The song calls for a video of similar pomp, which comes in the form of a very well done albeit standard Hype Williams video. Each rapper gets their own set up, which lends to the superstar team-up feel. Don’t be startled by the Lebron opening or random game highlights; the song appears on the soundtrack for his new documentary.

David Guetta ft. Akon "Sexy Chick" – “I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful.” Well, that’s a nice sentiment Mr. Guetta and Mr. Akon. The only problem is that the actual name of this song is “Sexy Bitch.” This is the edited version. “Sexy bitch.” Those are the words they came up with that weren’t disrespectful. I’m not going to continue with this point because my head might explode, but I will say that I watched over 30 seconds of this video and there wasn’t one thing that indicated to me that it wasn’t filmed in 1993. Not a single thing.

Apparently, this guy loves him some Adelitas Way. Rock on!

Adelitas Way "Invincible" – A butt rock song that is, judging by the lyrics, either about spousal abuse, doing PCP, or professional wrestling (it’s the theme song for WWE Superstars) gets a video in which a bunch of disparate, not invincible people are summoned by a pyramid of spotlights to rock with Adelitas Way. It’s just like The Tommyknockers if that helps. The brainwashed include a girl who drives to the middle of nowhere to cry over her plus sign pee stick (or maybe she did the test in the car, gross), and a middle aged, well-to-do guy who either just got foreclosed on or REALLY doesn’t want to pay his cellular bill this month. Fist pumping ensues.

Hockey “Song Away” – The hook, the video and honestly the whole damned enterprise is pretty cheesy, but the lyrics and the lead singer’s conversational cadence work for me. I don’t mind this at all.

Say Anything “Hate Everyone” – This song features clever lyrics although the gleeful contempt of the sing-along chorus is a bit much. It’s a decent angry little rock number, and the energetic video shows Max Bemis to be an engaging frontman. But then again, I like anyone who employs “I hate everyone” as a mantra, only to end the song by adding “I guess everyone includes me, and that’s why I’m a humanist.” You should definitely watch this at least once.

The cover of the new Feral Boy and the Boomerangs album.

Tokio Hotel “Automatic" - Standing in total defiance of the laws of the universe, this video features classic muscle cars, giant robots and a visual aesthetic lifted directly from Mad Max, and it still sucks. How is that possible? Well, the cars don’t do anything except drive across vast desert landscapes, the robots don’t fight, they fall in love and try to kiss (they don’t have lips), and the director decided to go with absolutely the most androgynous version of the Mad Max motif possible. I absolutely hated this video. It’s worth noting that the lead singer is wearing Feral Boy’s furry arm sleeve.

Cassettes Won’t Listen “Into the Hillside” – This video is a disorienting, kaleidoscopic trip-fest that will remind you of Magic Eye and make you wonder if your computer is acting wonky.  The instrumental track ends up being little more than pleasant background music for the images.

She's cold and she is shamed...

VIDEO OF THE MONTH: Natalie Imbruglia “Want" – Natalie Imbruglia delivers a simple and very well done video that manages to be sexy, emotional, and a little bit disturbing. Directed by veteran Diane Martel (who seems to mainly traffic in rap videos and Ricky Martin/Xtina type stuff), the video starts with Imbruglia in a sparsely furnished apartment, filming her revenge to an ex. She struts around the apartment, poses provocatively, and lays around half naked, showing him what he’ll never have again. It may sound contrived, but it’s performed with a coyness and a vulnerability that make it work. The quick editing matches the song’s tempo while giving Imbruglia’s slow, graceful movements an intensity they wouldn’t have otherwise. The video takes a pretty surprising turn about halfway through, adding an emotional layer to the video and song, without contradicting or undermining what came before it.

Ambitionz Az A Mad Max

VIDEO FLASHBACK: 2Pac ft. Dr. Dre “California Love” – Come on. I just wrote about a video that takes its visual style directly from Mad Max. The question wasn’t what video would I choose as this month’s flashback. The question was could I possibly choose any other video. The song announced 2Pac’s return to music after his stint in prison and introduced the world to Death Row’s star-crossed powerhouse tag team. The classic video faithfully recreated “Mad Max Thunderdome type madness” (using the actual Thunderdome), popularized the blockbuster rap video, made a star of director Hype Williams and is a pop culture landmark for anyone under the age of 150.  The “to be continued” at the end of the video refers to the song’s much less well-known second video (please note Dre’s silk robe and Timbs ensemble), and the saga concludes with To Live and Die in LA, a melancholy love letter to the city “without gay ass Dre” from 2Pac’s brilliant final album.