Culture Blues

Internet Killed the Video Star: August

In recent years, many have wondered, “why, for the love of god, won’t MTV just play some videos again?” The answer is complicated and involves Heidi Montag, so we won’t go into it. But, here at Culture Blues, we will happily trade staying up late for 120 Minutes and suffering through all the crap on Rap City just to see the new Gangstarr video for the unfathomable convenience and breadth of the internet. The music video’s largest outlet has been lost and, with it, some of the interest. We’re going to reverse this trend. Every month, we will scour the earth (but mostly the internet) to see what’s new in the world of music videos and to dutifully report back to you, and then tell you which ones to watch.

Jay-Z ft. Kanye West and Rihanna "Run This Town" – A song that should have been epic but wasn’t gets a video that tries to be epic but isn’t.

The Fray “Heartless” – The Fray try to stay relevant and stave off an eternity in Adult Contemporary purgatory with a cool concept involving notebook doodles come to life coupled with an inter-genre cover of Kanye West’s Heartless. Fortunately, it’s not enough. The song is a novelty and the video packs enough interesting ideas to make it worth viewing, but it’s not truly noteworthy. Say hi to Michael Bolton for me, guys.

This is what people who own boats deseve.

Scripts N’ Screwz “Brick” – This hypnotizing track features a throbbing bass line and that increasingly rare instance where The Robot Voice actually seems to belong. The rap duo’s lyrics reference trying to keep one’s head above water while the animated video offers a silly underwater adventure. The connection is tenuous and the video makes the song seem laid back, when in reality it’s anxious. No matter though, they still work well together.

Kristinia DeBarge "Sabotage" – NOTE: Not a cover of the Beastie Boys song. Instead, some girl I’ve never heard of sings about trying to be good but being bad instead. She dances, slightly too spastically for my taste, in several set ups, including humping a bed. It's odd that every young pop starlet wannabe seems to have a single intended to convince the public that they are filthy, horny girls just looking to get sexy. These songs are then coopted by girls who film themselves dancing seductively in skimpy clothes and post the videos on youtube. It's a vicious cycle of our daughters acting like sluts. And it must continue!

I was rooting for the rodent.

Coldplay "Strawberry Swing" - Look, I don't like Coldplay. I don't like their melodramatic vag rock. I don't like their "Radiohead-lite" image. I don't like Chris Martin’s voice.  I don't like Chris Martin’s babies' names. I don't like Chris Martin showing up on rap albums that I buy. But this video isn’t bad. Our protagonist is a man-child playing on some asphalt with chalk drawings that create a super hero adventure around him (including a badass rodent that shoots arrows out of a meat grinder). I like the way they stick with the illusion. The protagonist is always on the ground in various poses, but the chalk creates the movement, perspective and everything else. Unfortunately, the song and the protagonist’s pajamas costume make the whole thing nauseatingly cutesy and nostalgic. I don’t have much to say about the song itself cause I wasn’t really listening to it. Which is a good thing, cause I fucking hate Coldplay.

U2 "I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight" (Live) - A testament to how popular U2 is. Look at how many people come to their concerts! This is bona fide stadium rock at its most bland. Bono and the boys offer a straightforward performance video with stylish sunglasses and those lame earpiece microphones. The irony here is that it looks pretty pathetic. Shots of the band could have been filmed in a small room filled with smoke, and shots of the crowd are so distant that they convey none of the excitement of actually being at a big concert. This kind of video has been done much better before. In fact…

Nickelback “Burn It To The Ground” – Nickelback turns in a video that is conceptually identical to U2’s and does a much better job of capturing the concert atmosphere. Congratulations U2! You got outdone by NICKELBACK! By the way, this crappy song sounds way different than all the other crappy nearly identical Nickelback songs I’ve heard before.

Please don't murder P!nk.

P!nk "Funhouse" – Idiotic stylized spelling aside, I like Pink. Her catchy pop tunes are edgy and dramatic, as far as disposable pop goes. Her latest video features her dancing around in a sandy wasteland while creepy people in baby masks lurk. Pink sings about evil clowns and such. Nothing wrong with that. The catchy guitar bit that accompanies the chorus is clearly stolen from somewhere. But I’m not mad. I like the look and energy of the video, and the song is pleasing enough. For all the haters out there, here's some bonus Pink: 2002’s "Just Like a Pill." The video features an elephant, navel licking, a room full of bunnies, an orgy that turns violent (don't they all?), and Pink getting punched in the head - for real. You must watch.

Zooey Deschanel "Cotton" - While watching videos, I was treated to a Cotton commercial starring Zooey Deschanel. It was kind of like a mini-music video, so I'm going to include it. Zooey sings a variation on that "fabric of our lives" ditty we've been hearing for years while doing typical Zooey stuff: practicing music, checking out a flea market, and generally just looking cute as a Chinese baby. It's the death knell for a burgeoning actress and singer’s artistic integrity, but I still loved every second of it. Christ, she's adorable.

Jessie James "I Look So Good (Without You)" - The newest addition to the pop starlet wannabe checklist is a song about how great you feel after your boyfriend dumps you and makes you cry (thanks Kelly Clarkson). Jessie James has her boyfriend walk out on her and then proceeds to take a bath, put on a sexy dress and invite over her girlfriends to do a bunch of stuff girls never do ever. My biggest bone to pick - I disagree with Jessie. I think she looks desperate and pathetic without a boyfriend.

Where's Wallace, String? Where's Wallace?!?

Fabolous “When the Money Goes” – Yet another example of a rapper wondering if his girl will still be around after he gets sent upstate. But the song, and the well done video, shot in stark black and white, are more focused and effective than many competitors. The highlights are the opening scene in which Jay-Z and Fabolous appear to be auditioning for the nonexistent 6^th season of The Wire (and doing a decent job of it), and the scene when Fab and his girl are talking, separated by that trademark prison glass. “What should you do? How about ride?” I dare you to pull that one out the next time your significant other asks you what they should do.

The Maine “Into Your Arms” – Hey The Maine, Train, Nine Days and Tal Bachman called. Even they think you suck.

Fall Out Boy “What a Catch, Donnie” – Apparently Fall Out Boy has left behind the manic rock songs and guitar flips, at least on this song. Also, I think Patrick Stump kicked everyone else out of the band. The song is dramatic and simple. It’s pretty good until the sing along kicks in. The video is an intimate portrayal of Stump’s isolation at sea, until he rescues a bunch of people and they all start a party. I guess the whole thing is a pretty apt metaphor for Fall Out Boy’s career at this point. No matter what they do, they’re still held back by cheesy pop sensibilities and screaming teenagers.

Moby Dick 2: Ahab's Revenge

VIDEO OF THE MONTH: Modest Mouse “King Rat” – It’s an obvious choice for the month’s best video, but it’s also the right choice. The video is based on an idea developed by Heath Ledger before his death. The animated video recalls the art style and textures of a children’s pop-up book, and features a gruesome plot where the whales are hunting us. Swapping humans for animals is not generally a valid persuasive approach. The violence and pain on display are graphic enough to make some wince, and yet, it’s presented in a lively, humorous manner as horns protrude from the clouds on cue and we cut away from the boat for reaction shots from the sun. This, in turn, only makes the proceedings more grim. The look and tone conspire to create a video that undeniably achieves the desired emotional effect, but more importantly the song and video unite to create something entertaining, fresh and, perhaps begrudgingly, beautiful.

Bill Corgan also hates Coldplay.

VIDEO FLASHBACK: Smashing Pumpkins "Tonight Tonight" - While watching many of the August videos, I was reminded of this one. The Coldplay video, in particular, seems to worship at the altar of Billy Corgan's trip to the moon. The song is epic and it perfectly complements the grandeur and wonder of a video that fully commits to the silent film aesthetic (minus the black and white). Undeniably a classic.